


When We Hope, We Live

by Miracle_Novelist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Astoria Oregon, Author Is Sleep Deprived, CPS, Coming of Age, Domestic Violence, Eridan is having a time, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, M/M, Seaside towns, Tags Are Hard, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Waiting For Update, dont read this youll probably cry, look at all of this angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-01-27 10:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12579236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miracle_Novelist/pseuds/Miracle_Novelist
Summary: At the hands of his father, Eridan Ampora has been subjected to many forms of unnecessary stress including: neglect, the pressure of being in charge of Ampora Corp., and even physical abuse. When the violence goes a *tad* too far, Eridan moves in with Cronus, his older brother, to flee the strenuous situation.This is the story of how that all goes to shit.(NoNoWriMo 2017- Currently in the process of revising the 15 chapters I wrote during November. This story WILL be longer than 15 chapters.For future reference, this story has mentions and graphic detail of the following: ABUSE, NEGLECT, VIOLENCE, ANXIETY, SELF HARM, NIGHTMARES, PTSD (maybe), GORE, SEXUAL HARASSMENT... (Will add any other warnings that pop up along the way.)Updated: Irregularly





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MENTIONS OF ABUSE (VIOLENCE)

Your name is Eridan Lester Vivien Ampora. It is approximately noon on a cool November day and you’re currently sitting in the back seat of your caretaker’s shiny black Lexus.

 

You wouldn’t know it now, but your father, being the filth he is, is not actually “doing the right thing”. He’s manipulative, arrogant, and has no idea what he’s doing as a father. As it might’ve turned out, every time you try to leave, you get yanked back to shore...almost like a whitecap on a wave. You could be out there, in the many currents of the sea. But instead, you’re stuck in the never-ending momentum of crashing atoms of salty H2O against coarse sand.

 

It would come as a shock to you, but those bruises around your neck were neither for the greater good, nor to make you a better person. They exist solely because he couldn’t keep his temper under control.

 

So yes, as you stare out the back passenger window across the Pacific Ocean, you can relate to the foamy crests of the waves being pulled back against the rocks and wet sand.

 

You’re reminded that you aren’t the only one in the car when Gerald speaks: “Are you nervous?”

 

The car takes a sharp right and then you’re over the water, on a bridge with no end in sight.

 

“I wwouldn’t call it nervvous…”

 

He chuckles, changing the faint audio from a commercial to a new station with music.

 

“What would you call it?”

 

You look out the window again, finding the bridge’s shadow is casting across the water. The noon sun makes everything seem almost white.

 

“It’s just...neww.”

 

He hums.

 

Another five minutes and it seems like you’re creeping slowly toward shore. From here, all you can see are the small white houses rising up the hill and a boat-load of docks.

 

“Should I call your brother to announce your arrival?”

 

“No, that wwon’t be necessary.”

 

When you get to the end of the bridge, you find yourself mesmerized by the amount of docks lining the shore. You don’t even see any sand, it’s just all wooden boardwalks.

 

The car finally turns onto an exit ramp. This brings you through blocks and blocks of small shops and parks. The only word you can come up with to describe this town is “quaint”.

 

If it were not for the fact the ocean can be seen from anywhere in this town, you would lose yourself among the small houses and narrow streets.

 

The car finally pulls into a driveway of a grey house where a shiny black truck is parked. Your family has a thing for shiny and black apparently. The driver turns his head to look at you.

 

“It’s unfortunate that you’ll miss the feast with the board,” He gives you a knowing smirk.

 

You roll your eyes dramatically and he snorts.

 

“I’ll see you and your brother around Christmas time.”

 

“I look forwward to it,” you give him a rare smile and climb out of the car.

 

You watch as he backs up and drives back down the street. Your gaze locks on the sea and you watch as a cruise ship crawls under the bridge and out of the port. It’s quiet and the air smells of fog, salt, and fish.

 

You run a hand through your dyed hair and prepare yourself for the conversation ahead. It would either be completely smooth-going or extremely awkward for the both of you. You hope it’s the former.

 

You don’t hesitate when knocking on the door, no, that would be too cliche. It opens a moment later and you think he was standing behind it, waiting, but you can’t be sure.

 

“Eri!” He’s still the same as you remember: big muscles, cigarette between his teeth, and that old greaser look even though he’s in his twenties.

 

“Cronus,” you say flatly.

 

“Ya’ gunna stand out there all day or are ya’ comin’ in?”

 

You step up into the doorway and enter the house. You expect to smell cigarette smoke but it actually smells musky, like Cro sprayed way too much cologne.

 

You turn around to see your brother leaning against the door, giving you a look. You hold his stare.

 

“Ya’ knowv...ya’ havwe pink hair...”

 

“It’s magenta.”

 

“That’s pretty gay, am-I-right?”

 

You look to the side, “Yes, I am awware.”

 

He raises his eyebrows, “Oh?”

 

“Is our first convversation in howwevver many years really going to be about my sexual orientation or…?”

 

He snaps out of his confused look, “Yeah, yer’ right…”

 

You shake your head and lock eyes with him once more, insistent on changing the subject, “Wwhere am I sleepin’?”

 

“Ah, right.” He pushes off of the door and walks to the hallway. “Some dude dropped off ya’ stuff yesterday, so it’s all in there.”

 

You mutter a ‘thanks’ as you walk through the door Cro stops at.

 

The first thing you notice about your new room is that the walls are blue. The second thing is that it smells like wet paint. And the third: it’s not just blue, it’s a 360 degree painting of the sea.

 

“Do ya’ like it?”

 

You study the walls, turning in a complete circle. You spot mountains, breaching whales, docks, beaches, everything you could think of when it comes to the ocean.

 

“Yeah,” you breathe. “I lovve it.”

 

He smiles warmly at you, but you don’t see it.

 

“Did it all myself.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, took like three months. Actually jus’ finished yesterday.”

 

You snap yourself back into your usual cold and calculated self. “Thank you,” you look back at him. “This looks like it wwas a lot of hard wwork.”

 

“It sure wvas.”

 

An awkward moment passes and then Cro clears his throat, “So, uh, I’ll jus’ leavwe ya’ to it.” He closes the door and you’re left alone for the first time in a long time.

 

In fact, you think the last time you were left alone was three days ago. You’ve had Gerald standing right over you ever since your father lashed out. He was even right outside the door when you used the restroom...even in your own room.

 

You love Gerald, like a close uncle almost, but he’s been a bit too protective of you the past couple days. Of course, he’s got a good reason to be. Your father nearly killed you for Christ's sake.

 

Even though Washington and Oregon are both on Pacific time, you feel a wave of exhaustion hit you. You check your phone and find that it’s only 2 in the afternoon. Without thinking too much, you take a look around, lay down on the king-sized bed pushed into the corner, and decide to take a nap.

 

When you awake, it’s to an annoying sound. You crack one eye open and check your phone for an alarm but there’s nothing on the screen. Unlike an alarm clock, these sounds are uneven. It’s repetitive and you try to find a normalcy to it, but there’s nothing to grasp. _Is that barking?_

 

You shift a little, feeling an intense stiffness in your body. You look down and find that there is now a purple weaved blanket over you. _Huh_.

 

You put in the effort and roll into a standing position, stretching your body out. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think you were an old man by the way your joints pop. Probably from countless hours sitting at your old man’s desk.

 

From there, you diagnose that the noise is coming from the open window. You pad your way over to it with limited light. The cold air spreads across your skin and you take a deep, refreshing breath in. You squint out the window and your heart leaps into your throat when you realize the room has a perfect view of the ocean. You start to question whether giving up fame and wealth was a bad idea. Although your relationship with your brother isn’t all that great, you could get used to waking up and seeing this every morning.

 

The sun is still a little under the horizon and the clouds above block out some parts, but other than that, the sky is light enough to take in quite a bit. You see small, non-commercial airplanes flying high above, birds swooping and diving, and ship lights gleaming off the water and yeah, you could get used to this. The only downside is that noise that just never stops. You have the growing suspicion of obnoxious seals.

 

There’s a light knock on your door, and a second later it opens.

 

“Oh hey,” Cro yawns. The only thing he’s wearing is a pair of pajama bottoms, “you’re up already...huh...I wvas thinkin’ wve could go over to the indoor market today. Ya’ on board?”

 

“Sure,” you yawn too.

 

Cro makes two omelettes while you get ready. You put on a normal outfit: a v-neck, a carnagain, some light pants with holes, and of course an infinity scarf to hide the dark bruising at the base of your neck.  

 

Both of you are ready to walk out the door by 7:15, and by then, the sun is just peeking out from behind the small hills across the water.

 

It being about 54 degrees and foggy, you decide to wear a thin jacket.

 

Cronus locks up the house and you walk to the other side of the truck, ready to get in. But Cro keeps walking.

 

“Wwhere are you going?”

 

“To the market, c’mon.”

 

“Wwe’re wwalking?”

 

“Yup!”

 

“Is it close?”

 

“Nope,” he grins back at you and then lights a cigarette while cupping his hands around the lighter. “I thought I’d show ya’ ‘round, an’ plus: the dang thing doesn’t open ‘til eight.”

 

You don’t like the thought of walking, but you already said you’d go, so you follow him down the driveway.

 

It takes about five minutes to walk into town. There, you find even more quaint housing, shops, and stands.

 

Cro leads you to what you guess is downtown Astoria, where the small stores and restaurants are just opening. Their warm lights matching the yellow-ish sunrise.

 

Your brother stops in front of a vintage restaurant/bar with a wooden appearance. The windows are big and let you see the whole inside. Cronus opens his arms wide, “This is my wvork.”

 

You take in his smug face and the structure in front of you before replying simply, “Suits you.”

 

“Think so?”

 

You nod.

 

You two don’t go in. Instead, you walk some more. Cro leads you to a giant warehouse-looking building with countless banners hanging from their corners.

 

When you enter through the giant garage door, it is absolute chaos. You think Cro notices the expression on your face, because he starts explaining.

 

“Yeah it’s pretty crazy wvhen they’re settin’ up. Ya’ wvanna help me help a friend?”

 

“Help you help a friend?”

 

“Yeah,” he grins. “Followv me.”

 

_He acts like goddamn puppy._

 

You try to keep your chin up and a distant look on your face while staying hot on Cro’s heals. You fear getting lost in the disorderly groups of people and merchandise. You pass stands with fresh fruit, handmade jewelry, flowers, kettle corn, stuffed animals, freshly-caught fish, paintings, cheese tasters, drink mixers, and instruments. It’s all a confusing mess of products and people. A few dogs dash past your legs like bullets.

 

You’re just about to open your mouth and ask “Are wwe there yet?” when you hit the back of Cro’s leather jacket. You flinch away and he turns his head to smirk at you.

 

You ignore him and look at where you’ve stopped:

 

A stand, surrounded by many many boxes. The sign is painted like the Japanese flag and says “C0me Test 0ur Incense!”. There’s thin, oblong packets that you deduce are incense.

 

“Hey Damara!” Your brother yells over the roar of the room. You see an Asian woman behind the stand, about the same age as Cro, look up. She has her hair pulled back into a bun fastened with those chopstick-looking things. Next to her, is a smaller version of “Damara” but with thick long hair, who looks to be about your age. And next to her, is a tall guy who could pass as an average white nerd...but with 3-D glasses?

 

You have a feeling you’re going to be introduced to these people, so you lift your chin higher and pull your shoulders back, trying to look more important than you actually are.

 

“Ampora,” she says in greeting. Her made-up face then turns to you and you try your hardest to hold her stare. “Who’s the pompous twink?”

 

 _Wow, that was not the image I was goin’ for._ You deflate a little and glance up at Cro. He’s looking at you blankly.

 

“This here is my belovwed broskii,” he throws his heavy arm across your shoulders and you glare at him.

 

“Don’t evver say that again,” you mock. He grins and turns back to the three.

 

“This is Eridan, treat him wvell wvhile I smoke.”

 

He moves to leave, but you grab his arm in slight panic, “Wwait, wwhat?”

 

“Don’ wvorry chief, they’ll take good care a’ ya’,” he points to the new trio and then turns.

 

“I’ll go join him, you three have fun.” Damara wiggles her eyebrows, for whatever reason.

 

When she leaves, you turn back to the girl and nerd. The girl comes out from behind the table and smiles warmly.

 

“Hi, I’m Aradia,” she holds out her hand and you take it.

 

“Eridan.” You smile faintly, rehearsed. You both pull away after two shakes.

 

“This is Sollux,” she motions with her head. “He’s in a grumpy mood today, but he’s not always like this,” she looks back at the boy sitting on a metal chair, “Right Sollux?” He doesn’t look up from his phone, but he does flip her off. She smiles warmly again, like it doesn’t phase her, and returns to her previous spot behind the stand.

 

You look up at “Sollux” and...yeah...now you see the irritated scowl sitting on his features. They only worsen when he glances up and sees you studying him. You look down immediately.

 

“Hey Eridan, would you mind handing me that box over there?”

 

You follow her finger to a small box just in front of the table. You pick it up swiftly and place it down in front of her. She smiles again.

 

She pulls out a small pocket knife, the loud click it makes when she opens it makes you flinch a little. The cardboard creaks as she bends the flaps. Inside, there are more of those long packages.

 

You wonder what she would say if you offered to help. Looking down into the box, you read one of the flimsy containers:

 

**Megido Sticks**

Sandalwood

Santal

Sandalo

**EXTRA RICH**

 

Aradia starts putting the packets in neat rows on the table.

 

_Is it rude that I’m just standing here? I should probably help shouldn’t I? I look awkward just standing here like this._

 

“Do you mind if I help?” You ask, heart inside your throat.

 

You get the same calming smile, “Not at all! Here, would you get started on that box for me?”

 

For the next fifteen minutes, you help her set her stand up, glancing a few times at Sollux, who meets your gaze almost every time.

 

You hear snickering from behind you and you can’t help but feel self conscious. You turn around and see four guys looking at you. One of them is short and stout, he seems to be laughing the hardest. The second is the complete opposite: tall and stalky. He's a small bit amused, but he’s not laughing. The third looks like a big chunk of muscle; he has no emotion in his eyes.

 

The last though...you can’t read his expression. Something between a smirk and smolder. You quickly turn around when he gives you a body check.

 

On instinct, your heart instantly speeds up.

 

“Do you often get that?” Aradia asks. You look up to see she’s looking behind you at the gang members, who looked your age as well.

 

Her words take a moment to register in your mind. When they do, you sigh once and shrug, “Sometimes.”

 

“If it’s any consolation, I like your hair and I think you’re really brave for openly wearing “non-masculine” colors,” she air quotes with distaste.

 

That earns a small, awkward smile from you. _I wish I didn’t have to be brave._

 

You and Aradia share a look and go back to sorting incense. For some reason, you don’t care about how high your chin is right now.

 

Cronus and Damara come back a few minutes after the incident.

 

“C’mon chief, I’m gunna showv ya’ somethin’.”

 

“Where are you going?” Damara whines.

 

“I’m gunna take him dowvn ta’ Lalonde’s”

 

“That nosy girl? Why?”

 

You see Aradia give her sister a glare.

 

Cro shrugs, “He’s inta’ that kinda stuff.”

 

Damara raises an eyebrow at you.

 

“Wwhat stuff are you talking about?”

 

“It’s a surprise…” then he turns and leaves. You wave bye to the girls and share a blank look with Sollux before hurrying after Cro.

 

People are starting to clean up around their tables, so you can finally walk without tripping on random things.

 

Cronus stops again in front of a table with a white cloth over it. Everything looks white, clean, and sleek...except the sign above the table, which is written in different sizes of colorful handwriting:

 

**TRAVEL WRITER CLUB**

join us while we travel and write

 _For Students Only_.

Meetings held at Astoria High School.

 

The only object on the table is an old-fashioned typewriter with a single piece of paper fed through it. You step closer and read the tiny printed letters:

 

Sign up here. Our first meeting is this Wednesday. 3:30 pm. Astoria High campus.

Rose Lalonde

dave strider

Kanaya Maryam

KARKAT

Aradia MegidO

2ollux Captor

 

You look up at Cronus and find a genuine smile on his face. He nods towards it like he’s saying “go ahead”. You like traveling, what with all the flights you and Cro shared as kids; you always got the window seat. You don’t write much, however. Although, you’ve mastered essay writing and you’re guessing a travel article is a lot like an essay, but actually entertaining.

 

You step forward and place your index finger on the “e” without hesitation.

 

eridan ampora

 

The machine thumps with every character. Once it’s done, you realize your heart rate is faster than normal. Your father would be so disappointed, mad even, at you if he saw you signing up for an after-school club. Either because it took up too much time that could be used on homework and the business, or because you didn’t even ask him for permission.

 

“Ya’ good?” Cro asks.

 

You nod while staring off into space.

 

“Alright, ya’ wvanna look around more ‘er do ya’ wvanna go home?”

 

You finally look up and shrug. “I’d like to look around more actually.”

 

“Ok, ya’ like shells right? Didn’t ya’ used to collect ‘em?”

 

“Yeah, I think I still havve a feww.”

 

“Swveet. Kay, followv me.”

 

You and Cronus spend a good hour and a half walking around looking at things and talking to people. After all, “ _success is in the relationships you make Eridan. Mingling is an essential part of the business industry”_.

 

You pull at the scarf around your neck subconsciously.

 

By ten o’clock, the room is full of all kinds of people; women, men, kids, dogs, women with kids, men with dogs, and everything in between. You’re pretty sure you saw a pig at some point.

 

Once you’re both satisfied with the ‘Sunday Market’, you stand next to your brother outside the building as he lights up another cigarette. Even if you’re not alone, you’re happy to get a moment to yourself.

 

“Ya’ hungry?”

 

“Sorta’.”

 

“Ya’ wvanna head ovwer to the bar?”

 

You raise an eyebrow, “I’m only 17.”

 

“Wvell good thing it’s a grill too. Don’ wvorry, wve let kids in. I can get us super dope discounts ‘cause I wvork there.”

 

“You like flauntin’ that aroun’ don’t cha’?” You smirk.

 

He rolls his eyes and takes another drag.

 

You’re both leaning against the warehouse, which you’ve concluded was once an aircraft hanger. Your mind takes the silence as a sign to wander off to things totally irrelevant to the situation.

 

“Hey, so wwhat wwas that awwful noise this mornin’?”

 

“Uh...wvhat?”

 

“That wweird barking?”

 

“Barkin’...Oooh, ya’ mean the sea lions.”

 

“Sea lions?”

 

“Yeah, those things start barkin’ once they see the sky lightenin’. It’s annoyin’ as heck, especially for people wvho livwe close to the docks.”

 

You nod and Cro takes another drag. His cigarette is pretty short at this point, he should be putting it out any time now.

 

“Wwho wwas that Sollux guy?”

 

“Sollux? Uh, pretty sure he’s Aradia’s boyfrien’. Wvhy?”

 

“I don’t knoww, he just seemed...wweird.”

 

Cro hums and drops his vice on the ground finally, rubbing his shoe over it.

 

After a chaotic meal at Cronus’s work, you two walk back home with sore feet and full stomachs. Somehow, in the matter of a few hours, the awkward silences between you and your brother lessen more and more.

 

The rest of the day is spent unpacking your luggage and getting your room in order. Cro helps until he has to go to work at four in the afternoon. You finish late in the night, a pile of empty boxes near the front door. Around ten, you take a hot shower, get in a pair of comfortable pajamas, and climb into your brand new bed with clean sheets.

 

With a sigh, you set your glasses on the nightstand and settle into the crisp fabric, recapping your day in your head:

 

Despite the anxiety that came with the amount of people in such a close space, you had a good day. Everyone you met was nice, except those four kids, but whatever. Fuck those guys. You have the feeling that you’ll be meeting many more new people at school, especially because you signed up for that club.

 

Surprisingly, you didn’t feel at all pressured into keeping up your image, except for in your head, but that doesn’t count. Maybe because it’s a new place…

 

You’ve noticed yourself relaxing around Cro more. You feel closer to him somehow...even if it’s just been a day. You guess he’s just really good with people: something he surely got from father.

 

You’re still iffy on whether giving up fame and wealth was worth it, but you sure do like this place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF PAST ABUSE. ANXIETY.

You’ve never actually been inside a public high school, or _any_ high school for that matter. You’ve always had a tudor or a professor within the comforts of your own home.

 

The only thing you’ve been involved in school-wise, was when you were on the swimming team in the seventh grade; you would occasionally go in to practice for tournaments, but that’s about it.

 

It’s not like you’re missing out on anything. You’ve heard from internet friends that it’s not that impressive; it’s said to be quite boring actually.

 

You’re not too sure how you feel about the matter. Your father pushed you to take college-level classes in the ninth grade and you’re pretty sure if you started going to public school, you wouldn’t learn anything new anyways.

 

However, Cronus has been on your ass about going. He argues that you need to make new friends and keep yourself busy, otherwise you might go a little bit crazy. You argue that you’ve gone without friends for the past two years and that you’re fine.

 

Long story short, you’ve spent a week at the new house, reading and rereading books. You didn’t end up going to the first Travel Writers meeting, mostly because you were overcome with major anxiety. Your father wasn’t there to pressure you into social interaction, so you chickened out for once.

 

It is currently Monday, and your brother of 22 has convinced you to go to high school. You finally complied and agreed to give it a shot.

 

Your first day of High School will be Wednesday, November 22, 2017. Until then, you will get to know your new town.

 

If you haven’t figured it out by now, Astoria, Oregon is a small, rainy, seaside town. Cro says it’s a tourist attraction to the rest of the world. That’s why there’s so many interesting sights and spots. He also pointed out that most of the houses are Victorian style; that downtown is really busy between the hours of 5am and 9pm; the town relies mainly off the money from tourists, lumber, and fish; and that it has the best clam chowder on the Pacific west coast.

 

You don’t like clam chowder, but you’ll take his word for it.

 

You decide to walk down to the water today, mostly because it’s been raining cats and dogs the past week and you really just want to see it for yourself. Maybe get a feel for what it’s like at seaside. You dress yourself in a black sweater, dark skinny jeans, and a knitted scarf. You sigh while looking in the mirror, bummed you’ll have to wear scarves for weeks to come.

 

You’re gonna hate scarves after this; you never thought that could happen.

 

When you finally make it to the water, having to follow signs to get there, you sigh and lean against the handrail. The air smells of wet dirt and something only slightly fishy. The lights from the boats glint off the deep blue liquid and contrast from the cloudy sky. Despite the “gloomy” weather, you kind of want to jump over the wooden barrier, run down the hill, and go swimming. But you’d probably get in trouble.

 

Not to mention it’s probably freezing tits anyways.

 

As you stand there, arms crossed and resting on the wood, your mind wanders uninvited into a place you wish it wouldn’t.

 

_I can’t believe he’d do that. How could he put his hands on me like that? How could he hurt his own son? Almost kill him..._

 

_Then again, it’s not his fault, he almost lost the company that night, all because I couldn’t protect it. He was probably as scared as I was._

 

You remember the burning sensation you felt under his hands. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought all the blood in your body was rushing to your brain. You can still smell the odor of that horrible whiskey he always drinks when something goes wrong with the company; still feel the struggle to swallow under his hands and the urge to close your eyes because they felt like they were going to pop out of your skull at any moment. You can even still hear the wheezing from your own mouth as you attempted to beg him to stop.

 

Everything.

 

You realize you’re fidgeting with the scarf that’s covering the proof. You don’t think of it this way, but it’s the evidence of domestic abuse, child neglect, and, unforgettably, attempted murder.

 

You could’ve turned him in, you had the video from the security cameras and pictures of the damage. In fact, you still have it all documented in the bruises around your neck.

 

But you didn’t think of this as an option, so instead, Gerald had to do something. He convinced your father that it would be in his best interest for you to move away. You weren’t there to experience the conversation, but you’re pretty sure Gerald used his handy-dandy powers of persuasion.

 

It would be a lie if you said you hadn’t at least _thought_ about turning in Elias Ivor Ampora at least once. You’ve daydreamed of what it would be like not to feel the overwhelming, but applicable, fear of having your father watching your every move.

 

This is easier. Right? Turning him in would’ve drawn too much attention. It would ruin his image, along with yours. You’d be the boy everyone pitied. The boy who was abused. No, this is easier; quieter.

 

Although...you can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen next. Will he show up one day with that fake businessman smile and a car waiting? Will you have to go back and get punched or slapped whenever something goes wrong again? How long do you have here? With your brother and the beautiful ocean in front of you?

 

You sigh and close your eyes, trying to calm yourself. You look to your left and see a dock full of sleeping sea lions. Not even an inch of wood can be seen, it's all covered by brown, fatty blubber. One of them knocks another into the water to steal its spot. The victim of the attack climbs back up, wet and shiny. It snuggles between two other sea lions, almost on top of them. You find that endearing: all they want is sleep and sunshine.

 

You stand up straight, stretching your arms out wide to get rid of the ache. You shouldn’t have stood like that for so long, but oh well.

 

You begin strolling up the boardwalk, towards the middle of town...you think. Oh well, it doesn’t matter: if you _do_ get lost, you can just call Cronus.

 

You end up finding a small restaurant near the aircraft hanger where the Sunday Market was held, and you eat a really good sandwich. The waitresses messed up on your order, but you weren't forced to call them back and demand they re-make it, so you eat it despite the added mushrooms. You actually enjoyed it.

 

You find your way back home without too much trouble, and you’re glad you were able to navigate the narrow streets alone.

 

That night, you have the nightmare. You find that you still can't outrun your father and you still can't yell for help. When you wake up, it's in the dark with damp skin and a rapid heartbeat.

 

The next day, you do the same thing: you lean against the rail next to the ocean and you think about school the next day. Then you find a different restaurant and eat another great meal. You even stop by a humble bookstore and pick up a new book. Which you begin to read as soon as you get home.

 

Hours later, you’re sitting on the chair you pushed just beside your window. You’ve got your long nose in between the pages and a foot up on an ottoman. Someone just got shot and you’re too immersed in the story to realize your brother’s head pop into the room. He watches your eyes travel left to right for a few lines before wiping the fond expression off his face and replacing it with a sly smirk.

 

“Hey chief.”

 

You finish the sentence you’re on before looking up.

 

“Ya’ wvanna go for a wvalk?”

 

“This late? It's dark out.” Your brow creases.

 

“Yeah, I wvanna showv ya’ somethin’.”

 

He nods and smiles like you already agreed to go. He then retreats back into the hallway. “Better wvear a jacket, it’s pretty chilly,” he shouts from the living room.

 

You scoff, looking back down at the pages in front of you. _Looks like the rest of this book will have to wait_. You slip your bookmark back in place and close the paperback, sighing.

 

You grab your green jacket with the fur on the hood and exit the confines of your room. You don’t bother with a scarf. No one’s out at this time anyways.

 

When you step out into the cold, you’re surprised to find it’s snowing lightly.

 

You follow Cro silently through two neighborhoods and a forest before you come across a small deserted park. He leads you to a swing set, wiping one off and plopping down into it.

 

You watch him dig around in his pockets for something. A moment later, he’s got another cigarette between his lips and he’s cupping his hands around the lighter.

 

You take this time to clear the other swing of snow and sit down too.

 

Everything’s quiet and dark. The only noticeable sound is the metal’s slight whining when you teeter back and forth softly on the swing. If you really tried, you could probably make out the sounds of cars in the distance; the constant grating of tires against pavement.

 

“Wwhy’d you bring me out here?” You don’t dare raise your voice louder than a hum.

 

“Needed ta’ get outta’ the house,” his voice isn’t much louder than yours. “Plus I wvanted ta’ ask ya’ somethin’.”

 

He looks off into the distance with an empty expression. You see this and your gut sinks.

 

Still not looking at you, he asks, “Is that the wvorst of it? The stranglin’?”

 

You catch the underlying apprehension in his voice, almost like he’s holding his breath for something - presumably something in your answer.

 

“He’s...throwwn a couple glasses at me, but otherwwise: this is the wworst it’s evver been.” You want to ask why, but restrain yourself.

 

“So...no burns?”

 

You don’t notice his leg is bouncing until you look over. You watch as he breathes in the nicotine, holds it, and then lets out a plume of white-ish smoke. You pointedly look at the cancer stick in between his fingers and then his eyes. He finally shifts his gaze towards you when you don’t answer.

 

“Right?” He raises his eyebrows.

 

“No,” you feel anger rise up in your chest. “Wwhy? Did he…”

 

He waves you off, chuckling a little to himself. “Doesn’t matter little man, it’s all in the past.”

 

_Did he...burn Cro? No...I would’ve known...right? When was this? Right before he moved out? After mom left? Holy shit...I knew about the hitting and stuff, but not about...this..._

 

You break your intense staring contest with the snow in front of you to look over at your brother. His dark, piercing eyes are already examining you from behind his swing’s chain.

 

“Don’t look so dowvn, jeez. You look as wvhite as the snowv.”

 

You wouldn’t know about the flashbacks running through Cronus’ mind; his toes curling inside his stupid leather dress boots. How could you know this? After all, your family was raised to put up a fake front of ‘everything is fine’.

 

He does, however, take one last drag of his vice before flicking it down into the snow. You watch the thin layer of white melt away from the object.

 

You raise your eyebrows at him when he lights up another one. You two sit and swing for another ten minutes before either of you stand. When your brother rises from his swing, it squeals with delight. “Ya’ ready to head back?”

 

You nod, still staring at the buds on the ground.

 

You wake up extra early on Wednesday, making sure to give yourself enough time to take a shower, style your hair, pick out clothes, change outfits a few times, and eat breakfast.

 

You settle on black fitting jeans, a white tee, a grey v-neck, and a blue flannel, all layered to accommodate your hipster style. To add to that, you roll up the flannel to your elbows and add a beanie and a scarf (of course).

 

Cronus whistles from the table when you finally emerge from your room. He’s got a cup of coffee cradled between his hands.

 

“You look... _extremely_ gay right nowv,” he smirks lightheartedly.

 

“Good,” you say in a chipper voice. You’re excited and anxious for the day ahead. You note that when you look out the window, you see no snow. It seems it melted when the sun came up.

 

After a breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast, you brush your teeth, spiff up your appearance, and grab your bag.

 

Cro drives you to school, which is just down the hill from your house. You could just walk, but he insists.

 

His black truck smells like cigarette smoke and old air fresheners. The interior is a smooth grey and there’s, surprisingly, not that much trash littered on the floor.

 

You try to steady your heartbeat as the vehicle approaches the redbrick school. You see other cars dropping off students and a row of school buses, idling.

 

“Havwe a good day,” Cronus smirks. You find this look to be uncanny and you glare suspiciously at him.

 

You climb out of the tall truck and shut the door. This evokes extreme separation anxiety.

 

You feel alone; utterly alone.

 

_Fuck. It’s fine. I’m fine. Just one foot in front of the other. Is everyone watching me? It feels like it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Okay, just walk with your head held high and don’t trip. Whatever you do. Don't. Fucking. Trip._

 

Now you know why he insisted he drove.

 

“ _You ain't nothin' but a hound dog,_

_Cryin' all the time._

_You ain't nothin' but a hound dog,_

_Cryin' all the time._

_Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine,_ ”

 

_“Hound Dog” by Elvis Presley. Wow, that does not help with my anxiety. Not one bit._

 

You flip him off without looking back, cheeks hot. He just turns it up louder. You can actually hear his laughter over the music and you want to punch him in the face.

 

People are standing around in groups, staring. Some of them are giggling.

 

“Cro wwhy?” You whine under your breath and shake your head in disapproval and embarrassment.

 

“Eridan, over here!”

 

You look around and spot Aradia standing next to the door, along with a tall girl with short hair and that Sollux dude.

 

“What a brother you have there huh?” Says the nameless girl when you take the spot next to her.

 

You look back at him and he’s still laughing in the truck with the music turned up. He starts singing loudly and you rub your face with your hand out of stress.

 

“I swwear.”

 

You look back up just as he starts to drive slowly away.

 

“Cronus’s always been like that,” Aradia tells the taller girl.

 

“I’m not sure whether to apologize or congratulate you.”

 

“A little of both, actually,” you confirm.

 

She chuckles lightly, “I’m Kanaya, I believe you’re Eridan Ampora right?” She gives out her manicured hand.

 

“Yer beliefs are correct,” you shake her hand lightly, for fear of breaking her delicate fingers.

 

“Then I’ll be seeing you in Honors English, Pre-Calculus, and the Travel Writer’s Club. But for now, I bid you farewell, for I have a study session with my girlfriend.” She waves.

 

“Good luck,” you wave back.

 

“So what’s your first class?” Aradia asks.

 

You pull the piece of paper Cro had given you out of your back pocket, unfolding it quickly.

 

“Uh, AP Chem?”

 

“Ooooo, hard class. I think Karkat’s in that class.”

 

“Wwho’s Karkat?”

 

“You’ll see.”

 

“More like hear,” Sollux mumbles. That’s the first time you’ve heard him speak.

 

“Wwhat do you mean, hear?”

 

“He’th loud, and you’ll probably hear him before you thee him," he has a monotonous voice and a heavy lisp.

 

“Oh."

 

A bell rings, and immediately, kids start entering the building.

 

“Well, c’mon, I’ll help you find your first class,” Aradia takes your hand and leads you in. It’s an odd feeling, having someone hold your hand. There has only been one person to do that, and that was Feferi, but you’d rather not think about that.

 

Sollux follows behind you and you look back at him once, finding nothing but shirt. _Wow, he’s tall._

 

You figure out who “Karkat” is because he’s sitting across from you. He’s staring down at his paper and muttering profanities.

 

He’s wearing baggy clothing and his hair is an absolute mess. You take note of the deep purple staining under his eyes. You’ve never seen tiredness to that extent. _Huh_.

 

He looks up at you (more like glares).

 

“Do you understand a word of this?”

 

You look down at your own paper and read the first question. You recognize the terms and you’ve already answered it in your head within a few seconds.

 

“You haven’t learned about moles yet?”

 

“Fuck, I was gone for that entire week,” you hear him say, his face screwed up in disgust. You take that as a no.

 

So you help him out with the first page...and then the second. By the time class is out, both of you have finished the packet and you’re ~~arguing~~ discussing the various controversies in the novel Moby Dick.

 

When Honors English comes around, it turns out you’ve already read the book. The thing is, you’ve already learned most of the things in all of your classes. As mentioned before, your father made you take college-level classes, which you’re not exactly complaining...but still. You feel arrogant always saying, “I already knoww this,” or, “I’vve already done that.”

 

You’ve been expecting something to go wrong since you arrived at school. Something along the lines of: tripping and falling on your face, being called homophobic slurs, or someone bringing up your father. It is at lunch that two of those things are checked off the list.

 

You were laughing at a joke Rose, Kanaya’s girlfriend, made. It wasn’t exactly a joke so much as a lewd comment, but it was entertaining nonetheless. You feel air whoosh past and then someone sits in the seat next to you. She’s got long black hair and blue makeup.

 

“You’re Eridan Ampora right?” A smile creeps onto her face.

 

“Yeah…?”

 

She doesn’t smile brightly, more like her eyes light up like she just heard a juicy rumor.

 

“So your father is Elias Ampora?”

 

Your heart drops at the mention of his name, but you keep eye contact. “Unfortunately…?” you say.

 

“That’s so funny,” she tips her head. “I believe our parents had an affair while he was with your mom,” She pauses, and you guess she’s trying to get a rise out of you.

 

_‘Laugh in the face of intimidation Eridan, being a coward gets you nowhere.’_

 

“Wwouldn’t put it past him,” you shrug.

 

“Would you do anything like that? With a boy maybe…” her eyes flick up to your hair.

 

“Hey Vriska,” Karkat says exasperated. “I know you have this whole thing about ‘get the whole scoop for your blog’ or whatever, but could you leave the new kid alone for a while. It’s his first day for fucks sake. Jesus, I think your standards drop weekly.”

 

The girl glares at him, "Do you know who this is?" She motions to you.

 

"His name is Eridan, and he trying to eat his fucking lunch."

 

"Do you know who his father is?" God, you kind of just want to clock this girl in the face.

 

"I  _don't_ fucking care. Just leave him alone you twat!"

 

She rolls her eyes and turns back to you. “Hey...didn’t you have a sister?”

 

You don’t say anything.

 

“I was just asking because I read a little about her on your dad’s Wikipedia page. I just wanted to know what happened to her.”

 

You clench and clench your jaw, trying not to lose your temper.

 

“Oh...did I strike a nerve? You see, I have my suspicions that your mom took her when she moved out.”

 

“Do you often spend your time snooping into other people’s fuckin' business?” Your chest is filled with rage.

 

“Yes, actually.”

 

“Give it a rest Vris, you’re being highly despicable right now.” Kanaya steps in.

 

“Well then," she glances at all of the glaring faces around the table. "It seems I’ve overstepped my welcome. I’ll be seeing you soon, then. Enjoy your lunch.” Her sureness makes your heart beat a little faster. She gets up and walks off like she just won a trophy or something.

 

Once she’s gone, you hear a couple people around the table groan. You find yourself looking at the surface in front of you blankly before turning your gaze out the big glass windows.

 

_He had an affair while with mom._

 

Like you said, you wouldn’t put it past him, but does mom know? Was that why she left?

 

The rest of the day goes by pretty fast. Your last class is art with Sollux, but you’re cautious to sit next to him.

 

_It’s either next to him or alone in the corner, so fuck it._

 

“Is anyone sittin’ here?”

 

“No.” You can’t read his expression.

 

You sit next to him and put your bag on the floor. You feel the urge to fill the silence, but everything you come up with sounds stupid.

 

A woman who resembles Kanaya walks in front of the class. She does the cliche ‘new kid’ introduction for you and you sit there awkwardly while everyone stretches to get a good view of you.

 

You spot Vriska up front turned around and grinning. You ignore her.

 

The teacher, who you find to actually be Kanaya’s mom, passes out pieces of paper for you to doodle on. The theme is Thanksgiving, since it’s tomorrow.

 

You draw a long table with a dozen dark figures sitting around it. In the middle of the table sits a plate with a single turkey leg on it.

 

It actually looks scary when you sit up and look at it; depressing even.

 

“That’th cool,” Sollux says.

 

You smile, “Thanks.”

 

You look over at him after he returns to drawing. He’s sketching a bunch of people, which doesn’t have anything to do with Thanksgiving, but they’re really good anyways.

 

You flip your paper over and start sketching faces. A few minutes go by and you look up to find Sollux watching you.

 

“Do you like drawing?” He asks.

 

“Yeah, I doodle sometimes wwhen I’m bored.”

 

He nods. “My little brother really liketh drawing, hith whole room ith covered.”

 

“Oh, howw old is he?”

 

“Nine.”

 

“My little sister is nine too, but she doesn’t draww. She lovves to swwim though. Maybe they could meet one day?”

 

“Yeah, that’d be cool."

 

You fill the silence with open questions like your father taught you. It seems to keep the conversation going well enough.

 

You two talk through the rest of class.

 

“Tho, where exactly did you move from?”

 

“Covvington, Wwashington.”

 

“Do you mithh it there?”

 

You can feel your eyebrows crease. “Not particularly, no.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I guess I kind of like it by the ocean, an’ Covvington wwas vvery vvery bland. Blocks and blocks of the same houses...just painted different.”

 

He nods, “Yeah, I uthed to live thomewhere like that. It thucked.”

 

The bell rings just then, pulling to two out of your conversation.

 

“You’re in the Travvel Wwriter’s Club too right?”

 

“Yeah,” he rolls his eyes. “AA made me join with her.”

 

“‘AA’?”

 

“Aradia.”

 

“Your girlfriend…”

 

“Betht friend.”

 

You nod while gathering up your things and stuffing them in your satchel/book bag.

 

“You like video gameth?”

 

“Nevver had the time. You?”

 

“That’s literally _all_ of my time.”

 

You smile. _Dork_.

 

You two go on like that while Sollux walks you down to the commons, where a few people are sitting on a bench. You recognize most of them as Rose, Kanaya, Aradia, Karkat, and Karkat’s best friend with the light hair and shades. He introduced himself to you at lunch but you can’t, for the life of you, remember his name.

 

“Eridaaaaaaan, my man. Please reveal to us your one true favorite music genre, so we can get this over with and I can win this bet money,” the towhead jabs at the tired boy’s ribs.

 

“My favvorite music genre?”

 

He nods, smirking.

 

“Uh, I don’t really havve a specific genre, but if I had to pick, I’d say...alternativve rock?”

 

“HA!” Karkat jumps up. “TOLD YOU!”

 

“Wwhat did you think I liked?”

 

“I said classical,” the guy who lost says with his head drooped.

 

“I said anything ‘Alternativve’,” Karkat pats him on the back.

 

Usually you would feel insulted if someone mocked your impediment, but you know he makes fun of all of his friends. Aradia even pulled you aside and told you if Karkat doesn’t treat you like a punching bag, then he doesn’t consider you his friend.

 

“So, wwhere are wwe meeting? The library?”

 

“Oh Eridan, you’re so cute.” Rose says. You look at her confused. You’ve never been called cute before. “You’re going to be embarking on your first adventure. Our first meeting was discussing the basics of the club,” she says this more to you than anyone else. “But today, you’re actually going to see what it’s like being a travel writer. First, I’d like to assign partners.”

 

“Really?” Karkat whines.

 

“You’ll like this Karkat, let me speak.” She clears her throat. “Kanaya and I, Dave and Karkat, Gamzee and Aradia, and Sollux and Eridan. These partners are based on the sign up sheet and my own personal preference. You can always change partners if you’d like.”

 

You look over at Sollux and see him looking at you too. So you’ll be paired with a boy who only joined because his best friend forced him to. You wonder if he even _wants_ to be your partner. He probably wants to be with Aradia instead.

 

Rose continues describing the plan to the teams for the next five minutes before she lets everyone go. You guess she’s become your "leader" of sorts.

 

Sollux leads you out to the front parking lot, where he pulls out a set of keys. You hear two mechanical chirps not far away. You arrive at a blue beat up car with a red hood, almost like it was replaced and they were too lazy to paint it.

 

“So wwhere are wwe goin’ first?”

 

“I’m gonna’ take you home.”

 

“Wwhat?” You stop walking. “Aren’t wwe suppose to be choosing a place?” You can’t help the hurt look on your face. _Maybe he doesn’t want to do the article with me. Maybe he’d rather do it alone._

 

He smiles with one side of his face. “Thome of uth have work yknow…”

 

"Oh..." _Work...right...that’s_ _a thing._

 

“C’mon, get in. You’re gonna’ make me late.”

 

“Right,” you climb into the passenger seat of the rundown car. He starts it up and you’re surprised the engine doesn’t take a thousand attempts to turn over. It actually sounds pretty smooth. But then again, you know next to nothing about cars.

 

You direct him up the small hill behind the school and through the diverse neighborhoods, until he pulls up behind Cronus’ truck upon your instructions.

 

“So...wwhen are wwe going to actually do the assignment?” You ask as you unbuckle.

 

“Next week. I have family planth all weekend.”

 

You nod. _Right...it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow. Which means there’s no school._

 

“Alright, wwell...thank you for the ride home.”

 

“No problem, now get out,” he smiles.

 

You take his demand lightheartedly and exit the car. You wave at him as he backs out.

 

When you enter the house, Cro is tucked in on the couch watching T.V.. He is surrounded by junk food wrappers and used dishes.

 

“You havwe fun?”

 

“Yeah...I did…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a goddamn dork.
> 
> I apologize if there are any typos. Jus' lemme know about 'em an I'll get 'em fixed ASAP :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: LOTS OF SUFFERING. A N X I E T Y.

Since there is no school tomorrow, you don’t set an alarm. In fact, you take the time to make  _sure_ there is nothing set. Still, you’re awoken by an alarm-like sound.

 

You turn over and pick up your phone from the nightstand. You bring it close to your eyes and squint.

 

It’s your father’s company line.

 

That wakes you up enough to sit straight up and contemplate not answering, but that would be mighty rude of you.

 

“Hello?” Your voice sounds like hell.

 

“Goodmorning,” Gerald says. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

 

You let out a sigh of relief, “Happy Thankgivvin’.”

 

“I have some news for you, if you’re interested.”

 

“Wwhat is it?”

 

He takes this time to sigh. You hear the resounding creak of his desk chair. “The hacker problem is more serious than we originally thought.”

 

You wipe the crust from the insides of your eyes.

 

“It seems we may lose the company.”

 

“You don’t seem that upset.”

 

“I dunno, maybe it’s time for a career change.”

 

You huff, “Howw’s Dad takin’ it?”

 

“I had to drag him to his room and put him on the bed because he was so intoxicated.”   


 

“Wwoww, glad I wwasn’t there.”

 

“Mhm” he hums like he was focusing on something else. “We might have to take the whole site down for a couple weeks. Everything needs to be de-bugged and re-installed.”

 

You’re silent.

 

He seems to realize you’re not too interested in the topic at hand, “You have any plans for today?”

 

“Not that I’m awware of.”

 

“Well that’s shitty.”

 

You laugh.

 

“Your father's up. Alright kiddo, go do something fun...I gotta deal with this fiasco.” 

 

“Kay, talk to you soon.”

 

“Yea,” then he hangs up. You smile at how curt he is sometimes.

 

You walk out of the hallway to find Cronus drinking coffee. You watch him put his shoe up on the counter and bend to tie the boot, walking by him to the coffee maker.

 

“Oh, hey. I totally forgot to ask ya’, but it’s okay if we go ovwer to Damara’s for thanksgivwin’ right?”

 

“Uh, yeah...sure. You don’t wwanna cook ‘er somethin’?” 

 

“No, and they havwe a bunch of friends comin’ over too. They also havwe a huge house.” He puts his leg back down.

 

“Yeah, that sounds fun.” You can probably just hang out with Aradia. “Wwhat should I wwear?”

 

“Yer serious?”

 

“Yea,” you shrug.

 

“Uh, ok...I guess...I like wvhen yer’ hair is all curly. Oh! Wvear that red turtleneck I helped put awvay.”

 

You nod, and take your cup of coffee into your room to get ready. It’s kind of short notice but that’s fine; you’re used to flexibility.

 

You do dress in that turtleneck and you don’t brush your hair all that much, so it’s a little curly. You don’t really care about your appearance for once. You don’t know what it is. Maybe you’re just really comfortable around Aradia. Or maybe because Cronus will be there to protect you from...well, you don’t really know what to expect from Aradia’s family.

 

“You done?!” Cronus shouts down the hall.

 

“Yeah!” You check that you have your wallet, and then leave.

 

Cronus whistles when he sees you. 

 

“Look at ya’ goin’ all bad boy on us.”

 

“Bad boy?”

 

“Yeah, ya’ look like you could break some hearts.”

 

You roll your eyes.

 

When the truck pulls up to your destination, your jaw drops. Turns out, ‘huge’ doesn’t even cut it. Their house is  _ massive _ . It’s made of tan bricks and the roofs are cones that make it look like a castle.

 

“Wwhoa…”

 

“I knowv right?”

 

You spot steam coming out of a small metal chimney. The yard is a large lawn with dead leaves spread all over it.

 

Cronus parks behind a line of cars.

 

“Howw many people did she say wwas comin’?”

 

“She didn’t,” He opens his door and gets out. You do the same.

 

Once you two walk up the front door, you start fidgeting with the bottom of your sweater. Will the neck hide the bruises good enough?

 

Cronus rings the doorbell and you hear the chime through the door. You also hear the sound of clacking heels against hardwood floors. You note that the heavy door does not creak when Damara opens it. She’s dressed in a skimpy outfit that you have to look away from because you’re embarrassed for her, even if she’s not.

 

“Cro,” She smirks. 

 

She leads you two to a large room you guess is the living room. It’s got a fireplace, three couches, and a coffee table. While you’re taking it all in, you realize Aradia is walking towards you.

 

“Hey Eridan, I didn’t know you were coming.”

 

“Oh, uh. Damara invvited Cro and he dragged me here so I hope that’s okay…”

 

“Yeah, no, of course. Here, come sit.” She ushers you to one of the couches. You sit next to a big muscly guy with giant muscles and long black hair. He’s also wearing sunglasses for some reason. On the other couch are a few unrecognizable faces and...Sollux? He’s in a conversation (more like argument) with Karkat.

 

Damara comes to sit on the back of the couch. “I swear little Ampora, I have yet to see you without something around your neck.”

 

You see both Sollux and Karkat look up from your peripheral vision. 

 

“I like scarvves.”  _ Wwhat a lie. _

 

“Hey Eridan,” Karkat gets your attention. You glance at Sollux to see him looking at your hair. “Hey, answer a question for me.”

 

“Sure?”

 

“Which is better: aiming for a safe life with no passion, or taking risks to live a life full of happiness?”

 

“Is that wwhat you guys wwere arguing about?” You smile.

 

“Just answer the goddamn question.”

 

You note that Sollux actually perks up when you start talking. “Uh...I guess it depends on the person.” You shift and look at the floor. “Some people wwould give anythin’ to not livve a miserable life...so they take risks. Others wwere raised to play it safe and livve by the quote-unquote  _ American Dream _ .” 

 

You look up to see both of them thinking deeply. “May I ask wwhat this is about?”

 

Karkat scoffs and crosses his arms. “Sollux wants to go to this fancy school that costs a ridiculous amount of money, and become a fucking doctor of all things!” Karkat turns to Sollux. “You’re so stupid!”

 

“Everyone in my family went to thith college, and it doethn’t even matter becauthe it’th not like I know what I want to do bethides becoming a doctor anywayth.”

 

“What-” Karkat motioned between them two, struggling with what to say. “WHAT IS YOUR LOGIC?!”

 

“My logic ith that it doethn’t matter becauthe everyone in my family hath done thith,” Sollux sounds irritated.

 

“Yeah, but don’t you like video games?”

 

“That’th jutht a hobby.”

 

“Maybe  _ playing  _ them, but not  _ making  _ them. No one makes video games with their spare time Sol.”

 

_ Sol _ . 

 

The taller sighs, “Whatever KK.”

 

“No, not whatever. You need to stop letting other people push you around!”

 

Sollux looks really uncomfortable right now.

 

“H-hey Karkat? Wwhat do you wwant to be wwhen you groww up?”

 

“Me? I want to work in the CPS.”

 

“Wwhat’s that?”

 

“Child Protective Services?”

 

“Wwhat do they do?” You ask.

 

“Child. Protective. Services.” He looks at you like your stupid. “Jesus Christ! You haven’t heard of CPS?! God, I thought I was only friends with  _ one _ idiot.” He motions to Sollux. “But apparently I have two!”

 

“Sorry?” You smile nervously.

 

Karkat sighs and rubs his face, “Ok. So. Child Protective Services has a lot of other names like Department of Children and Family Services, Department of Social Services, Department of Children and Families, and a whole lot of other stuff; you get the point. It deals with the maltreatment of children like neglect, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse,” you stiffen a little, “...all the things that kids should not be put through. It helps put kids into stable environments where they can grow as a person without getting beaten up everyday of their friggin' lives.”

 

“Wow, you memorithe that from there webthite or thomething?”

 

“Something like that.”

 

You decide you can’t tell Karkat about your dad, he’ll surely floor him into the ground.

 

“That’s...really interestin’. You sound really passionate about it,” You say. You try to stop fidgeting with your shirt, but you can’t.

 

“Yeah well,” he sighs. “When you’re beaten up every day for five years, you start to loathe the concept.”

 

You’re speechless. How could he admit that so openly?

 

“What about you? What do you want to be when you grow up?”

 

Your eyebrows crease in thought.

 

“I don’t really knoww. I alwways thought I’d take ovver the company, but it looks like that’s not going to happen. I’m not really passionate about anything really.”

 

Cronus sits on the sofa next to you. “That’s not true, didn’t ya’ read the entire Harry Potter series in like...two days?”

 

“Readin’ isn’t a career Cro.”

 

“Being an editor is…” Karkat raises his eyebrows. “Or an author…”

 

“I’m not vvery good at comin’ up wwith stories.”

 

“Wvhat about a journalist? Yer’ good wvith people skills aren’t ya’? Wvhat if ya’ wrote articles?”

 

“That wwould wwork, but I’m not passionate about it…”

 

“Wvell, Ya’ still havwe time to figure it out. Trust me.”

 

You nod, but feel as though you’re hopeless. The best career to go into would be business since you’ve been taught that, but you hate it. It makes you want to rip your own heart out and shove it through a blender.

 

\--

 

“What’s fun until it gets weird?” Karkat asks, putting the black card down.

 

You scan your cards and pick one that makes you snicker.

 

When Karkat has all of the cards, he reads them off. “A PowerPoint presentation. The entire internet. Men,” He laughs at that one. “A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans…and winking at old people?”

 

It takes Karkat ten seconds to pick and then he slams down ‘A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans’. You hold your hand out for the black card.

 

“Wvell, nowv wve knowv howv you feel.”

 

You smile at your brother as you pick up a black card from the stack. You read it once in your head, bite your lip in embarrassment, and then read it out loud. “Howw did I lose my vvirginity?”

 

You glare at Cronus when you hear a ‘ya’ didn’t’ under his breath.

 

Once everyone puts their cards in, you shuffle them and read them one after the other.

 

“Unfathomable stupidity. Drinkin’ alone. A homoerotic subplot,” you grin. “A sassy black wwoman. And sixteen feet of scarf bondage,” You laugh at that, and set it down, declaring it the winner. It’s Sollux’s and you share a look of ‘I hate you but that was funny’ with him.

 

Karkat ends up winning, and you’re completely content with that. 

 

You find the kitchen only a hallway away. Once you round the corner, you find many bodies moving and gliding through it. 

 

A man with dark hair is stirring the variants of pots and pans on the stove; another man with sandy hair and bright blue eyes is preparing what you think is green bean casserole. 

 

The woman with two buns on the side of her head looks a lot like Damara but older, so you’re guessing she’s their mother. She’s holding platters of food like a waitress and delivering them to the room next door, which you presume to be the dining room.

 

You see Damara preparing some yams. Aradia; cranberry sauce.

 

You walk over to Aradia and ask what you can do to help, because they look pretty busy and stressed with all of the work. She says you don’t have to but you could help set the table with silverware.

 

You do it despite the growing anxiety you feel creeping up your back. You shouldn’t be helping serve, your father would probably beat you and tell you to ‘act like an Ampora’ if he saw you now. You ignore it all, and grab the metal utensils.

 

Once you’ve done that, she shows you the cabinet with the plates, and you carry those out as well. 

 

You come back into the kitchen, having done that, feeling like you’re obligated to keep helping. So you ask the dark-haired man at the stove, who looks pretty busy with all of those burners, if you can help in any way.

 

“What, you don’t think I can manage myself?”

 

“Wwhat? No, I just wwanted to help.”

 

“ _Wwell_ , I’ve got it. Thanks,” he mocks. You feel hatred flare up in your chest.

 

“Mike,” you hear from behind you. It’s the man with bright blue eyes. “Play nice, you’re being rude.”

 

‘Mike’s shoulders deflate and he sighs, “Sorry.”

 

You don’t answer.  _ Maybe he just had a bad day _ .

 

You end up just going back out to the living room with the others. When you enter the room, you hear a “Fuck you Dave!” and snap your head toward the couch to find Karkat and the towhead -Dave- staring at the T.V. with game controllers in their hands. They look fairly concentrated.

 

Sollux and a few others are sitting on the floor, and you note that there’s a kid with a wheelchair who probably showed up while you were in the kitchen.

 

“Eri, yer’ friend here is vwery skilled in the art a’ Mario Kart,” Cronus points to Dave.

 

“Come sit and bask in my Kart skills,” a smirk spreads across one side of Dave’s face. Karkat growls loudly and starts clicking buttons really hard.

 

“No. No. NonononononoNONONONO! UGHGHGH!”

 

You sit next to Dave, because Karkat seems like a liability to sit next to. You might get punched, or hit in some way.

 

“Ya’ wanna play?” Dave holds the controller out to you. You take it cautiously.

 

“It’s not gonna’ bite cha’,” He says. “Haven’t you played a game before?”

 

You shake your head, still looking at the controller. It’s cold, considering it was in Dave’s hands.

 

“You’ve never had a game system?” Karkat asks in disbelief, it seems his little fit has passed.

 

You shake your head again, feeling a tad self-conscious. 

 

You look up at Cronus and he’s got that blank face on again. You give him the “help” eyes, and he snaps out of it.

 

“It wvas ‘cause I wvas alwvays on the xbox. He’s the one wvho wvas buried in a mountain a’ books.”

 

You let out the breath you were holding.

 

Dave teaches you how to hold a controller, but you still don’t know what to do when it comes to the game.

 

You play a few rounds against Karkat and he wins every time. “This must be great for yer’ self esteem,” you say sarcastically.

 

Karkat laughs, “No, actually. I’d rather win against someone I can compete with. You’re no match for me.”

 

“Wwoww, thanks.” You laugh, despite the insult. You shake your head.

 

You look over to see Sollux watching you, he looks away as soon as you turn your head though. You look back at the screen just as another race starts. You can feel his eyes on you the entire time.  _ Weird _ .

 

When Karkat wins that race, because that’s inevitable, and everyone is talking amongst themselves, Cronus comes to the back of your couch and hands you his phone over your shoulder. You set the controller down to take it with both hands.

 

You see messenger is pulled up and you read “Jackass” at the top. It’s Dad. You see a message came in three minutes ago.

 

**JA: I’m coming to get Eridan.**

 

You read the message about seven times before it sinks in. You stare at the phone in horror. You look up at Cronus, and he looks angry.

 

You stand up from the couch and your eyes are level with Cronus’ collarbone. You hand Cronus his phone as you leave. You move to the hall and look for the front door.

 

_ This is exactly what I was worried about. He lost the company, surely. Maybe he fired Gerald and he now has no one to take his frustration out on. He’s coming for me. No no no, this is bad. This is so bad. _

 

You trip on nothing and end up on the hardwood floor.  _ He’s coming to get me _ . You slide to the wall and sit with your back leaned against it.

 

_ Maybe it’s for the best...right? _ You search your brain for any reason this could be good, and you find nothing. You curse under your breath and pull your knees up to your chest.

 

You can’t go back. You can’t. He almost killed you last time, he’ll do it for real this time.

 

Your brain hurts and all you want to do is curl up in a soft blanket.

 

You hear socks padding on the floor, before someone sits next to you. You don’t know who it is because you’ve actually curled into a ball and your forehead is resting on your knees.

 

The person doesn’t talk, and so you don’t either.

 

Soon enough, your phone dings. You sigh before lifting your head and pulling out your phone. The message is from Gerald.

 

**GR: Don’t worry, I kept the video.**

 

You look over to see Sollux sitting cross legged next to you. He’s just looking at you blankly, which is probably your expression too, then you turn your head back to your phone. You run a hand through your hair.

 

**ED: wwhat are you gunna do wwith it**

 

**GR: I’m going to threaten him with it.**

 

**ED: wwill that wwork**

 

**GR: I sure hope so.**

 

You turn off your phone and set it down, staring at your knees.

 

“You okay?” Sollux asks. It’s quiet, yet still too loud.

 

“Maybe,” you sigh.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

You shake your head.

 

You jump when someone yells “Dinner!” somewhere in the next room. 

 

Getting up is the hardest thing you’ve done in a while. You feel numb...like you shut off your emotions at some point; gave up trying to fight it.

 

Sollux stands there with you while you gather up the courage to walk. Once you do that, you lead the way back to the dining room.

 

You sit between Cronus and Karkat. Sollux is somewhat across from you, and you meet his eyes only once.

 

“It’s gunna’ be okay,” Cro mutters close to your ear, but not right in it.

 

“Yeah…” You don’t believe it. In a few hours, you could be in Covington, cleaning up your wounds in the small bathroom connected to your room.

 

You look around the table and find people smiling and eating and smiling some more. You don’t feel like smiling, but when someone talks to you, you fake it. First it’s Aradia who asks you to pass the bowl of corn; and then her mother on how you liked the food; and then Karkat, who asked what was wrong. You answer them accordingly, with a great, big, giant, fake smile on your face.

 

“Wwhen?” You mutter to Cronus.

 

“He said he’d be here in the mornin’. I guess he’s gonna start drivwin’ first thing. But, hopefully, yer’ wvingman wvill come through wvith the vwideo plan.”

 

You nod.

 

The dinner tastes delicious, and you’re sure you’d have an enormous amount of fun if it were not for these circumstances. You would probably appreciate how family-like everything seems. You’ve only ever been to the board meeting Thanksgiving dinners, which was full of business talk and not laughter about someone snorting their corn through their nose. They also didn’t throw pieces of yam at other people because they said a lame joke.

 

When it is all said and done, it’s five o’clock and everyone is sitting around the living room talking or playing games.

 

You’re currently sitting on the couch watching a couple young kids play twister and failing miserably at it. Sometimes you smile when one of them laughs about messing up, but you don’t smile for long.

 

You scan the room and look at all the different types of people. Your eyes settle on Sollux, and it turns out, Sollux is looking too, and he doesn’t look away. You stare at him for a long time, but you eventually get taken out of the stupor when Damara plops right down next to you.

 

“Hey kid,” she says, holding a toothpick in her mouth. “Cro told me what’s goin’ on with you. Sounds sucky.”

 

“He told you?”

 

“Yeah man, I’m like the only one he can talk to about his problems,” She shrugs. “So...what’re you gonna do about it?”

 

“About…”

 

“Yer dad,” she raises her triangle eyebrows.

 

“Wwhat do ya’ mean?”

 

“Yer gunna let him do that to you again?” She points to her neck.

 

“There’s nothin’ I can do,” you say helplessly.

 

“That’s bull,” she sighs. “I guess I’ll just have ta’ do it for you. God, you Amporas just let people walk right over you don’t cha’?”

 

You stare at her. “Wwe’re handling it.”

 

“Obviously,” she eyes your neck. “That’s why he’s gonna be here at the ass crack of dawn huh?”

 

You spot Cronus standing in the doorway and stand up, walking over. “I wwant ta’ go home.”

 

He nods in understanding, and yawns. “Okay. I just gotta’ thank Sabrina for everthin’.”

 

Your brother walks over to the woman with two buns, and talks to her for a while, then hugs her. He returns and leads the way to the hall.

 

You look back at the family with a sad feeling in your heart. Karkat waves bye to you, and you wave back. Then you meet Sol’s eyes and he gives you a small smile before waving too. You smile, but you’re sure it comes across as a grimace, and wave back.

 

You turn the corner and follow Cro to the door.

 

You’re not ready for everything to go downhill again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooo. fUck


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: ABUSE, DOMESTIC ABUSE. EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG. ANXIETY.

You try to stay up as late as possible. You really do. But due to the heightened amount of calories from dinner running through your system, you end up falling asleep around ten.

 

You have a nightmare about the night you got the bruises, waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. When you fall back to sleep, you have the reoccurring nightmare where you’re running from your father on a plane of glass. It takes you hours to get to asleep again.

 

When you wake up for good, it’s to the sound of obnoxious sea lions and you lay there looking at a random spot on your wall, thinking. You do this until you hear a car pull into the driveway, grinding the loose gravel under the tires. A moment later, there’s a knock on the door.

 

You suddenly have the urge to hide; wrap yourself around this town and never let go no matter how hard your dad tugs on your ear.

 

“Eridan!” Oh god. He’s here. He’s really here.

 

You hear Cronus’s voice arguing with him. You can’t resist the urge to hide, and so you bolt into your closet. Once you close the door, shrouding yourself in darkness, you back up to the wall. It feels cold against your bare back, and you slide down, curling into a ball and willing for it all to go away. It doesn’t.

 

The next thing you know, you hear doors being opened and closed in the hallway.

 

“...staying wvith me!”

 

“No, he’s not. I have custody, you are not capable of taking care of another person. Obviously.”

 

“All you wvant him for is a punchin’ bag. Yer’ not fit ta’ be a dad!”

 

It’s all quiet for a moment, and you hear mumbling. Then your door slams open, and you hear heavy footsteps across the grey carpet. A shadow blocks the bars of light from entering the closet and you hold yourself tighter.

 

You jump as the door is yanked open and your eyes are assaulted with excruciating light. You blink a couple times, before your vision adjusts.

 

“Get up,” His face is unrecognizable without your glasses. You follow his command, feeling small and weak.

 

“Put a shirt on.”

 

You nod and dart around him, hairs rising when you get an arm's-length away. Surprisingly, he doesn’t lash out and hit you.

 

You slide on the shirt you took off during the night and pick up your glasses from the bedside table.

 

Cronus is standing in the door with his arms crossed and his jaw set, “You’re not takin’ him.”

 

“Yes, I am,” he walks up to Cronus and your brother stands up straighter. They remind you of two dogs staring the other down, threatening for dominance.

 

“He doesn’t wvant to go.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“Leavwe. Him. Here,” somehow both of them get taller and bulkier.

 

“What are you going to do? Because if you lay even a single hand on me, I’ll have my lawyers all over you in less than a day.”

 

Cronus looks at you over your father’s shoulder, then deflates. Your father doesn’t.

 

“Pack an overnight bag, I’ll have someone come get the rest of your stuff tomorrow,” he says to you. You wring your hands.

 

“Do I...havve to?”

 

He turns on you, face lighting up in anger, but his voice stays calm. “Yes. Do it now.”

 

You know he’s holding back, and that terrifies you. What is he going to do when you get to Covington?

 

You’re heart is beating fast as you grab your bag and stuff a pair of pajamas and another set of day clothes in there. Your father is still standing next to Cronus, with his arms crossed. You’ve learned not to make him wait so you hurry up. Maybe if you do everything he says, he’ll go easy on you. You highly doubt that, but you need something to focus on.

 

When he sees you’re done, he turns and walks down the hallway. You look around the room, taking in the amazing painting, and the way the roof slopes over your bed. The slightly open window and the quaintness of it all.

 

You meet Cronus’ eyes, and then look down. He puts a hand on your shoulder as you pass.

 

“I’ll get you back, don’t wvorry.”

 

You shake your head, hopeless. “No, you wwon’t.”

 

And then Cronus wraps his arms around you, holding you tight. You stare at his collarbone blankly.

 

“Eridan,” he whispers. “I’ll get you back.”

 

You feel a lump in your throat and your eyes sting, “ _Hound Dog_ ” ironically ringing through your brain. Your brother lets go and you swallow thickly, wishing none of this would’ve happened.

 

You turn and exit the hallway and the house, not looking back or up the whole way.

 

The car ride back is too quiet. The whole time, your senses are on alert and your stomach aches from starvation and terror. You look out the window the whole time, but you only pay attention to the tapping of his thumb on the steering wheel.

 

It’s almost like an eternity of watchful eyes and braceful moments. Whether he is reaching up to itch at his scalp, or wipe the hair out of his face, you get ready for some kind of physical contact.

 

When things start getting more familiar, you start preparing yourself for the worst. Mostly, you’re trying to keep as still as possible...like maybe he’ll forget you’re even there.

 

You suck in a breath when the house comes into view. It’s white and stands like a modernized prison. You see Gerald’s car parked in its usual place, which makes you wonder if he’s done _it_ yet.

 

When the car stops, it feels like you’re still moving, and you wish that was true. But you were bound to arrive at some point. You check your phone to many messages and the giant numbers 12:36pm.

 

You’re miles and miles away from Cro and Aradia; Sollux and Karkat. You shouldn’t have gotten attached. This sucks.

 

You finally climb out of the car and rush to keep up with your father.

 

Once you’re inside, you realize it could be any time now.

 

You see him walk down the hall to his room and so you pad your way up to your own empty one, looking behind you occasionally. The sun shines through your sheer curtains and everything seems too clean.

 

You sit down on your bed and check the messages on your phone:

 

Cro (-:zz

CS: if he evwen lays one finger on you

CS: i swvear

CS: im gunna get ya back

CS: tell me if anythin happens

CS: ok???

 

1 (514) 222-2420

1 (514) 222-2420: hey

1 (514) 222-2420: cronu2 gave everyone your number two keep iin touch

1 (514) 222-2420: 2aiid 2omethiing about you leaviing

1 (514) 222-2420: ii ju2t wanted two know iif youre ok??

1 (514) 222-2420: thii2 ii2 2ollux btw

 

1 (514) 408-0080

1 (514) 408-0080: 0h eridan

1 (514) 408-0080: damara t0ld me

1 (514) 408-0080: i h0pe y0ure d0ing alright

1 (514) 408-0080: text me when y0u get h0me

 

1 (514) 569-4136

1 (514) 569-4136: GOD, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP WITH YOU.

1 (514) 569-4136: I SHOULD HAVE NOTICED…

1 (514) 569-4136: IF HE EVEN LOOKS AT YOU THE WRONG WAY IN FRONT OF ME.

1 (514) 569-4136: UGHGHUGHIGUH: FKA JFOF:HJk,MFHEIL FN

1 (514) 569-4136: CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS.

 

You put names to numbers in your contacts.

 

Cro (-:zz, Aradia, Sol , Kar

ED: im home

CS: wvhere is he

ED: in his room

KR: I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.

AA: eridan why didnt y0u tell us

AA: we c0uldve helped

KR: SO WELCOME TO THE ERIDAN POW WOW I GUESS.

CS: has he said anythin to ya eri

ED: no i think hes too tired to do much of anythin rn

KR: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ERIDAN?! DID HE THREATEN YOU IF YOU SAID ANYTHING?

ED: no i jus dont think theres anythin i can do

ED: hes too powwerful

ED: do you knoww howw many lawwyers he has

KR: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CPS AGENTS ARE READY TO PLOW RIGHT THROUGH THOSE LAWYERS?

KR: MANY.

CS: eri wve havwe the evwedence

CS: wvheres gerald

ED: i dont knoww

ED: his car is here but i havvent seen him

KR: YOU HAVE EVIDENCE?!

CS: yea a vwideo and a fewv pictures

AA: 0f what

CS: uh

CS: eris neck

ED: cro

CS: wvhat?? if theyre gunna help they gotta knowv wvhats goin on

KR: WHAT DID HE DO.

CS: he strangled eridan

AA: thats why y0u w0re scarves...

AA: can i see

ED: no

CS: eri

ED: cro

CS: theyre tryina help

ED: yeah but they dont need to see

AA: its 0k eridans right

AA: we d0nt need to see we just have to figure 0ut what were g0nna d0

KR: I SAY WE TURN THE EVIDENCE INTO CPS ASAP.

CS: this isnt a democracy

CS: eri gets ta make the choices

CS: should i invwite gerald in

ED: yeah

AA: wh0s gerald

Ger joined the chat.

GR: I am Gerald.

ED: wwhere are you

GR: At...home? Where are you?

ED: in my room

GR: You're already here? When did you get home?

ED: like fivve minutes ago

GR: Alright, I’ll be up in a bit.

CS: wvhat happened to the plan

CS: wvhat did you do wvith the vwideo

GR: It’s ready to go. I finished gathering it all up a few minutes ago. It’s all on this flash drive.

KR: ARE YOU GOING TO TURN IT IN?

GR: Yes, just give me a few hours. Eridan, would you like to come with me?

ED: to the police?

GR: Yes. It beats staying here and being harassed by your father.

ED: yea

ED: ill go

AA: is there anything we can d0

KK: YEAH. GERALD HERE CAN SEND ME THE VIDEO AND I CAN SEND IT TO MY CPS AGENT.

GR: That won’t work.

KK: WHY NOT?

GR: The CPS has been here before, countless times. They gave up on this case because Elias convinced them they were all rumors. He has a lot of enemies who would do this kind of thing. If the police see it necessary, they can inform CPS of the situation.

KK: YEAH BUT WE HAVE EVIDENCE TO GIVE TO CPS, ERIDAN CAN SHOW CPS HIS NECK.

GR: Valid point, but the problem with that is if the wrong CPS worker gets his hands on the video, word could get back to Elias that it was us.

KK: HOW? THEY TAKE AN OATH OF PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY.

CS: i dont knowv if you knowv this but

CS: our father is super rich

CS: he usually gets wvhat he wvants

CS: wvhen he wvants

KK: MY CASEWORKER IS LITERALLY AIRTIGHT. SHE’LL USE HIS BRIBE AGAINST HIM.

GR: It’s up to Mr. Ampora whether or not we go through with CPS or wait until the police decide.

CS: wvhat do ya say lil dan

CS: eridan???

ED: let me think about it

KR: WHAT IS THERE TO THINK ABOUT? DO YOU WANT HIM BEHIND BARS OR NOT?

ED: don’t pressure me kar

ED: this is a difficult fuckin decision

ED: especially wwhen therell be that stupid vvideo goin round

GR: Stupid? Sir, this clip could stop your father from injuring you any further. It could also earn you some justice after all of these years.

ED: i knoww

KR: WAIT, HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?

CS: it started wvhen i wvas nine

CS: eridan wvas only four

KR: HOLY CHRIST…

GR: It’s time for lunch, do you want me to bring it up or..?

ED: no thats ok ill come dowwn

ED: ill talk to ya later then

CS: ok

AA: talk t0 y0u later eridan!

KR: STAY STRONG.

ED: yea yea

 

You sigh and set your phone down on your nightstand, looking around once more at your bland room: white walls, white curtains, light grey carpet. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think this was a psychiatric patient’s room. Maybe that’s why you wear colorful clothes and why you dyed your hair magenta.

 

You get a sudden yearning for shades of blue; for walls full of waves, sky, and freedom; to be able to touch the ceiling above your bed. You even miss those stupid sea lions.

 

You stand and stroll over to your window, pushing the curtains aside. Blankly, you scan the same view you’ve seen ever since you could remember. The back yard with a big lawn that never gets used except for guest parties; the small garden that the grounds keeper takes care of; and the wedge you can see through the trees of Covington. You used to stand right here and stare out at the planes departing from the nearby airport, yearning to be on them.

 

You shake your head, breaking eye contact with the horizon. You shouldn’t keep Gerald waiting.

 

You descend the modern spiral staircase with caution, spotting Gerald sitting on one of the bar stools. He’s holding a sandwich in one hand and his phone in the other. Even though it hasn’t been long since you’ve seen him last, he looks different to you. He still has tan skin and hair as white as your curtains, but something seems off.

 

You stand on the other side of the island and grab a sandwich as well.

 

“Your neck is looking better.”

 

You nod while taking a bite. Your relationship with Gerald is more of a brotherly love. He’s been taking care of you for the past few years: signing you up for classes, making sure you’re fed, and driving you places you need to go. But along the way, you’ve formed a bond that’s protective yet independent.

 

Suffice it to say, you’d much rather have Gerald as a parent than your dad.

 

You spend the rest of the afternoon hanging out with the albino. You two drop off the video at the police station and give your statements. Your heart is in your throat the whole time. Gerald also takes you to your favorite restaurant and that cliff side you like to stop at. You sit on the hood of the car with him like you’ve done many many times throughout the years. You don’t talk, you just sit there and let each other think.

 

On the car ride back, you ask him simple questions about what’s going to happen after the police prove the video's not tampered with. He says all you need to do is stand there and look pretty while he handles everything. You see, Gerald is also a lawyer; your lawyer.

 

Gerald says he has to run some errands for himself, so he drops you off. When you enter the house, you feel confident that you’ll “get justice” once the police have it all under control.

 

But you should know by now that when things seem like they’re getting better, something always goes down the drain. Wow, what a really depressing thought.

 

The house is dark for once. Usually it’s all white lights reflecting off white everything. But you can barely see anything aside from general shapes. It should be dark, because it’s close to midnight. Your father should be in bed...hopefully. Right?

 

To answer that unspoken question, you hear the sound of someone walking down the spiral stairs and your stomach clenches.

 

“Where were you?”

 

“Out wwith Gerald.”

 

He hums. You hear him stumble a bit. _Fuck_.

 

“So you weren’t tryin’a run away again?”

 

“Wwhat?” You never ran away…?

 

“You. Heard. Me.” You can hear the growl in his voice.

 

“N-no. I wwasn’t. I promise,” you say in a small voice.

 

He laughs hollowly, "Don't lie to be Eridan. I know you want to leave me."

 

You stay quiet this time.

 

You mentally prepare yourself because this is the exact situation you’re usually in when...he...yeah. Your eyes are starting to adjust and you can see his face.

 

“Eridan,” he sighs. “Am I a bad father?”

 

“No,” you say clearly. Even though you really want to say the opposite.

 

He sighs again, this one sounding shaky.

 

“Why did you let them hack us?”

 

“I tried to s-stop them, but th-” You hear the smack before you feel it. Your cheek explodes in white hot tingles.

 

“WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP THEM!” He pushes you and you stumble and fall, dazed. You’re still holding your cheek.

 

“YOU RUINED ME!!!” He kicks you and it lands on your thigh.

 

Stop. Please stop. Stop. Stopstopstopstopstopstop.  _Shut it off. Shut it off. Shut. It. Off. Everything. Please._

 

“Eridan...wwhy do you hate me?”

 

“I don-”

 

“STOP LYING TO ME!” He roars while he kicks you again. This time it lands on your chest. It knocks the wind out of you and you sit there gasping for air. You close your eyes and will everything away.

 

_Please. Please. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease._

 

_Make it stop._

 

You hear a scoff from above you.

 

“You’re just as bad as me,” he says calmly. You hear him kneel down next to you and you open your eyes to see his face a foot away.

 

You flinch has he reaches out and grips your hair, pulling your body with it.

 

You can feel his hot, smelly breath against your face, “I hate you.”

 

Then his fists connect to your face, but all you feel is numbness. Your head feels fuzzy but you try to bear through it. Once you recover enough, you say the only thing that comes to mind.

 

“I hate you too,” you manage to say through the pain. His grip on your hair tightens, then releases.

 

He gets up and starts walking away.

 

“At least that wasn’t a lie…”

 

You lay there for a good five minutes, resting in the pain and shivers. But you eventually get up and drag yourself to your room and into the small bathroom. Your stomach aches with every breath and your lip feels hot-to-the-touch.

 

When you look in the mirror, you grimace. Your hair's a mess and it turns out your lip is split and bleeding.

 

You stand there and stare for a moment. You look into your odd-colored eyes intensely. You feel nothing but hatred...and maybe you’re not so different from him after all. You feel like punching something, but you don’t. You have to be better than him...otherwise he'll be right, and you can't have that.

 

You sigh and begin patching yourself up.

 

All you want is to lay on your bed in Astoria and listen to those obnoxious sea lions. You want to know more about Sollux and Aradia. You want to meet Karkat’s CPS agent and tell her everything that’s happened. You want to hug Cronus again, and play Mario Kart with Dave. Even if you really suck.

 

Once you’re done tending to your wounds, you slide down the wall to sit on the floor. And for the first time in months, you actually break down crying.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well damn...three chapters in one night. Oh...look at the time...it's almost 4 oclock in the morning lmao. Anyways, enjoy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MENTIONS OF ABUSE

When you wake up, it’s silent in your bathroom; silent and bright. You sit up and stare at your surroundings in confusion. The light from the morning sky is reflecting off of every white surface, which is _every_ surface. You squint at the small window above the shower in disdain.

 

You feel gross and stale because you fell asleep in a t-shirt and jeans. You're too drained to stand up and actually check what you look like, but you imagine your hair to be all over the place, and you definitely look like someone just beat you up...because...that’s exactly what happened.

 

Then you hear heavy knocking through the bathroom door. That could be why you woke up. Wait...no...it’s coming from the door connecting the hallway to your room, and your heart starts beating a little faster.

 

_He already hurt me last night, what more does he want?_

 

You hear the door open and you let your body fall back to the fluffy floor mat. You’re too tired for this. Just let whatever happens, happen.

 

You hear mumbling from outside the bathroom. It sounds like...there are multiple people.

 

“Eridan? Are you in there?” It’s Gerald. Oh yeah...

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Are you decent?”

 

You sniffle, “Yeah.”

 

You sit up just in time to see him swing the door open. He does a double take when he realizes you're on the floor, and his face falls when he notices your body’s state.

 

“I literally leave for like five hours...and this is what I come back to?” He says exasperated, he leaves to pace around your room and you instantly feel guilty. It’s not your fault, but you can’t help it.

 

Then you hear a very distinct familiar voice.

 

“What the fuck is wrong now?”

 

_When did he get here?_

 

You stand up, catching a glimpse of yourself. Your predictions were right: your hair's a mess, you can clearly see the large bruise that circumferences your neck (plus the one forming just beside your eyebrow), and your bottom lip looks like someone cut it with a steak knife.

 

You sigh and brush down your hair with your fingers the best you can. Your mouth feels really dry.

 

When you exit the bathroom, you realize Karkat’s not the only one there. Aradia is standing by the door and Sollux is by your window, sitting in your favorite chair. You’re attacked from behind by strong arms and the smell of awful calogne. Cronus.

 

“Eridan!” He says cheerfully. His arms are squeezing your arms to your side. You unintentionally whimper at the action. Your ribs still hurt like hell. He lets go upon hearing that and turns you around, his glee completely gone.

 

“He did this last night?” He asks.

 

“Yea,” you say softly, hugging yourself.

 

“I should’ve went in with you,” you hear Gerald say. “Should’ve made sure you were in bed.”

 

“It’s not yer fault,” the carpet feels nice between your toes.

 

Karkat stands from your bed. You swallow thickly as he walks towards you. You expect him to start yelling and saying ‘I told you so’ but he just wraps his tiny arms around your waist.

 

The hug was short but powerful. Kar pulls back with a glare on his face, “Don’t ever leave like that again.”

 

“It wwasn’t my choice.”

 

“And why didn’t you answer our texts?” He seems agitated now.

 

“I didn’t havve my phone.” You motion over to your nightstand where it sits face-down.

 

“All night?”

 

You shrug, “I fell asleep on the bathroom floor.”

 

“Asleep or unconscious?” Karkat looks at you warily.

 

“Asleep.” He gives you a suspicious glare, but drops it. “Wwhat are you guys doing here?”

 

“We’re here to save you,” Aradia smiles. You look over at Sollux to see him looking at you with a slightly scrunched brow.

 

“Howw are you gonna do that?” You ask her.

 

“Simple,” you hear Gerald say from behind you. You turn to look at him. “We turn the video into CPS.”

 

“I thought you wwere against that?”

 

He shakes his head, “I think Karkat’s right. We shouldn’t wait. There’s no guarantee that they’ll be able to do anything about it, but we can at least try.”

 

You nod, then stroll over to your bed. You grab your phone while sitting down.

 

(413) Missed Messages

 

You groan, “Four hundred messages? Unbelievvable.”

 

“Wvhat? Wve wvere wvorried. An’ ya’ didn’t answver so that made us wvorry evwen more.”

 

You shake your head and set your phone down. Running a hand through your hair, you sigh.

 

“So wwhat’s first?”

 

Karkat calls up his CPS agent and talks to her for a few minutes:

 

“No, I’m not in Astoria right now.”

 

He listens to her for a moment and then sighs. He turns to Gerald, “She wants to know if you have one of those ‘sweet meeting rooms with the big TVs’.” He does air quotes with one hand. You crack a smile that hurts your lip.

 

“Yes, we have one of those downstairs. Why?”

 

“Because she wants to video call us.”

 

After a lot of yelling into the phone, Karkat hangs up. You guess his hostility crosses over to professional relationships too. Gerald asks for everyone to follow him downstairs but you don’t move from the spot on your bed.

 

You feel gross. You feel stupidly and completely fucking gross; almost like you have some sort of hangover.

 

“Ya comin’?” Cro asks. You look up to see him and Sollux standing in the doorway. Your brother looks like a worried mom and Sollux looks like he’s got ten thousand thoughts running through his brain.

 

You wonder what you look like. Do you look as numb and tired as you feel? Do you have empty eyes and no expression? Probably.

 

“Eri?”

 

“Yeah...I’ll...be dowwn in a sec.”

 

Cro looks as if he might say something more, but then he closes his mouth and nods, walking down the hallway with Sol on his heels.

 

You really need a shower, but you’d probably spend about an hour in there and you need to meet them downstairs. You also wonder where your father is right about now; if he knows people are here and if he’ll try something in their presence.

 

You quickly push that thought out of your mind and stand up.

 

With a few quick steps, you’re back in your bathroom and splashing cold water on your face. It wakes your nerves up, but you’re still tired as all hell, which is fine. You’re more worried about the absolute _mess_ on top of your head.

 

After you’ve dealt with that, you take care of the next problem, walking out of your bathroom and into your closet. There are still a few outfits that you left behind, so you choose one and discard the old clothes from two days ago. You look into the full-body mirror to see two bruises forming on your chest and thigh; they’re sore to-the-touch. You push everything out of your mind and get dressed before any flashbacks catch up to you.

 

When you get downstairs and into the conference room, you see a woman on the large monitor. She’s got shoulder-length turquoise hair and bright red glasses on.

 

She’s tapping her index finger on her chin. Her smile is wide...and kind of creepy.

 

“Fucking finally,” Karkat stands from one of the chairs around the long conference table, clearly annoyed. You hear talking from the other side of the call and then the woman on the screen perks up.  

 

“Introduce me,” she whispers. Karkat rolls his eyes.

 

“Did your mouth just happen to stop working?” She shrugs and he sighs. “Eridan meet Natalie Pyrope, Nat meet Eridan Ampora.”

 

“Ampora...now where have I heard that before?”

 

“It’s literally everywhere, will you actually act mature for once?” Karkat growls. Natalie sighs and sits up straighter.

 

“Mr. Ampora, to make it clear, you are Elias Ampora’s son? The one who the rumors are about?”

 

You sigh, “Yes.”

 

“Are you saying all of the rumors are true?”

 

“I guess so.”

 

“You guess so?”

 

“Look, all I knoww is that my dad goes crazy after somethin’ happens with the company. Other times it’s about Mom and Fef, or it’s about hatin’ me. I havven’t heard all of the rumors so I can’t say they’re all true but, yes, the general topic of the rumors is true.”

 

“So...you’re saying your father, Elias Ampora, abuses you?”

 

“Yes,” you breathe.

 

“And you want out of his custody?”

 

You nod.

 

Gerald steps in front of the camera. “I have some questions of my own.”

 

“And who are you?”

 

“I was hired by Elias to look after Eridan.”

 

“So...his nanny?”

 

You try to hold back your laugh, but you can’t help it. Ger looks over his shoulder and glares at you.

 

“I guess you could say that, yes. Now about my questions…”

 

When all of the legal business has been looked over, you go out to the kitchen and get yourself a glass of water. It’s about noon and you sit and drink while staring out the front windows.

 

“Howv ya’ doin’?” You hear Cro’s voice from behind you. You shrug in reply. He sits next to you on the couch.

 

“Fine.”

 

He shifts and you look over to see an eyebrow raised.

 

“I’m not really...wworried ‘bout the legal stuff.” You take a sip of water. “I’m jus’ numb...yknoww?”

 

He nods.

 

“Evwerythin’s messed up.”

 

You nod.

 

That night, after you’ve taken a shower, changed into sleepwear, and have gotten comfortable in the chair next to your window (you have a thing for being a pensive little bitch and looking out your windows solemnly), you decide to read a portion of the 400 missed messages.

 

Kar

KR: HEY.

KR: I’M SORRY FOR PUSHING YOU ABOUT YOUR FATHER.

KR: I’M SORRY THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU.

KR: I’M ACTUALLY SURPRISED THAT YOU’VE KEPT IT TOGETHER THIS LONG. I COULDN’T EVEN TAKE THREE YEARS BEFORE I HAD A SERIOUS MENTAL BREAKDOWN. I LITERALLY BECAME BRITNEY SPEARS AND SHAVED MY HEAD.

KR: WHOA...WAIT.

KR: THAT ASSHOLE GERALD JUST TEXTED ME.

KR: I GUESS WE’RE GOING FOR A DRIVE.

KR: WELL IT SEEMS YOU HAVE NO REGARD TO ANSWER MY TEXTS. JESUS YOU’RE JUST LIKE SOL.

KR: SEE YOU IN A BIT.

 

Cro (:ZZ

CS: yknowv

CS: im really liken this new guy

CS: i think i could get used to em

CS: i thought he was jus this albino dude wvho nevwer smiled

CS: but he seems super protective ovwer ya

CS: an i respect that

CS: so he jus texted an i guess hes comin to pick a fewv of us up.

CS: wvowv

CS: wvhy do you evwen havwe a phone??

 

Sol

SX: fiir2t of all

SX: holy 2hiit

SX: 2o ii open my phone to thii2 giiant conver2atiion about you

SX: wow

SX: ii cant beliieve thii2

SX: 14 year2

SX: of abu2e

SX: ii knew 2omethiing wa2 off about you

SX: that 2ounded kiind of 2hiity

SX: two clear thiing2 up

SX: ii thiink youre really brave

SX: not many can endure that

SX: ii probably couldnt

SX: iid probably go crazy

SX: probably kiill 2omeone

SX: that kiind of blow2 my miind

SX: 2econd of all your body gaurd ii2 telliing me two get ready..

SX: two take a roadtriip??

SX: wow your town ii2 really fancy

SX: lol

SX: your hou2e ii2 really fancy

SX: are you even home??

 

There’s that word again: brave. You wish you didn’t have to be brave; you wish you could live with absolutely no worries.

 

You gaze out the window at the glowing city through the trees. You see the flashing lights of a plane making its descent.

 

You wonder what it would be like to get on that plane and take off; to go somewhere with white beaches or rain forests. Somewhere where you don’t have to be brave.

 

You wonder what it would be like not having to worry about being found by your father and beaten because he’s having a bad day. You wonder what it would be like not to be compared to him and judged when you do something that’s ‘Eridan’ instead of ‘Ampora’.

 

You want to go back to Astoria. It might be nice to have Cro and your friends here, but there’s always that underlying worry that your dad might go ham and start something.

 

The thought scares you. Being beaten up in front of people. How embarrassing would that be? You’d have no pride left. Maybe Cronus would stick up for you.

 

You jump when your phone pings. (Yes, you turned on the ringer after the 400 messages of worried remarks) Your eyes sting after staring out the window for so long, so you rub your eyes before looking down at the screen, only to see an unfamiliar number.

 

1 (514) 408-8820

1 (514) 408-8820: 良神

1 (514) 408-8820: あなたは結局勇気を持っているようです

1 (514) 408-8820: あなたのおまえの問題をもう解決する必要はないようだ。

1 (514) 408-8820: いい仕事 Ampora

1 (514) 408-8820: それを台無しにしないでください

 

You are thoroughly confused because you don’t know anyone who’s...Chinese? Japanese? You’re not even sure. You input the texts in google translate anyways and come back with this:

 

1 (514) 408-8820: Good god.

1 (514) 408-8820: You seem to have the courage in the end.

1 (514) 408-8820: It seems there is no need to solve your problems anymore.

1 (514) 408-8820: Good job Ampora.

1 (514) 408-8820: Please do not ruin it.

 

You have a feeling this person is none other than Aradia’s sister. Damara, you remember. You reckon that Cronus told her _all_ about the situation.

 

Feeling sick of looking down at your phone, you set it on the windowsill and walk over to your bed, climbing in. The sheets are nice and cool against your legs, and you soon find yourself drifting off.

 

You dream of sea lions in suits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> took a bit longer than i intended but I got it there. so...enjoy


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: NIGHTMARE

You wake up in the middle of the night to the floorboards outside your door creaking. (You know the sound enough to distinguish it away from any other noise.) You’re heart rate speeds up.

 

The handle to your door moves and you instantly shut your eyes, willing your body to stay still. You do everything in your power to seem asleep.

 

You hear your father close the door and pad over to you.  _ No. He can’t do this now. Not while there’s people in the house. Fuck. _

 

You feel the bed dip next to you and you try to prepare yourself for a slap to the face while still seeming asleep. 

 

_ Breathe slow, don’t let your eyes move, don’t move. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. _

 

It seems like an eternity before you feel something cold brush your forehead. Your eyes unintentionally flinch, but you play it off by turning your head away.

 

_ No. Fuck. My neck is exposed. He has full access. Fuck. _

 

You feel the bed dip even more, and then there’s…

 

...there’s...

 

...lips...

 

...on your cheek...

 

There’s also a hand on your other cheek, holding you in place. But...this hand isn’t calloused and warm like your father’s.

 

This hand is cold and soft, and so are the lips.

 

 _Who_ is _this?_ _And why are they kissing me?_

 

The lips and hand are gone in a matter of seconds and you can’t open your eyes, but you imagine the person is staring down at you.

 

When they finally get up, you really want to open your eyes to see who it is, but you don’t know if that would give you away.

 

You end up keeping your eyes closed until you hear your door shut. Utterly confused, you roll over and go back to sleep, grateful it wasn’t your father, but curoius as to who that was.

 

You wake around seven from the same nightmare about him suffocating you. You decide you won’t get any more sleep this morning.

 

While descending the stairs, you get a waft of breakfast. You hadn’t really realized how hungry you are when you were brushing your hair and picking out clothes. And when you get to the kitchen, all you can see is breakfast. And your stomach is suddenly yelling _breakfast, breakfast, breakfast!_

 

You snatch a piece of bacon from the plate next to the stove and smirk at Gerald’s fake glare. You lean against the fridge and watch him flipping the pieces of pig fat with his pink apron on. It was a Christmas gift from you when he went through that baking phase. Now he puts it on whenever he cooks.

 

The four guests are sitting at the island talking amongst themselves. Sollux glances up and smirks when he sees you chomping on a piece of bacon. You raise your eyebrow at him.

 

Breakfast goes by smoothly, but it’s while you’re helping Aradia with dishes when things get complicated.

 

You’re laughing at Aradia playing with the bubbles in the soap when you hear the bottom stair creak. (Yes, you’ve memorized every creak in this house.) You know for sure everyone is sitting at the bar talking, so you glance behind you to see the outline of your father in your peripheral vision. 

 

Your mood instantly turns cold, and your shoulders go rigid.

 

“Good morning sir,” Gerald says in his monotone voice. Everyone in the kitchen goes silent. 

 

“Didn’t know we were having company,” he mumbles. You can tell he just woke up. You look down and continue scrubbing at the pan. He’s probably too tired to start something. Right?

 

You see him pour a cup of coffee, and then lean against the counter to drink it. He tips his head towards the bar.

 

“Cro,” he says in unpleasant greeting.

 

“Dad,” your brother replies with just as much haughtiness.

 

You suck on your bottom lip unconsciously, feeling the wound there with your tongue. 

 

“Sir, is it alright if I take Eridan back to Astoria for schooling purposes?”

 

You look over to see your dad looking at Gerald in disbelief. He gains his composure and takes a drink, “That won’t be necessary.’

 

“Sir, he’s-”

 

“I said no,” he gives him a warning glare, then turns to leave the kitchen. As he’s walking past he mutters, “He’s not going anywhere.”

 

You give him a stiff look and grind your teeth together. 

 

Once he’s gone, you shake your head and sigh. You turn around and lean against the counter, looking at Gerald with an exasperated expression.

 

Gerald rarely rolls his eyes but when he does, it’s usually because of your father. 

 

“Your father is being completely unreasonable.”

 

“Yeah,” you shrug. “It wwas hard evven convvincing him to let me go livve wwith Cro, an’ then he changed his mind not evven a month later.”

 

“Good point, but still. I talked about this with him when the incident happened and he agreed he wasn’t fit to take care of you. I don’t know why he’s making such a fuss about it  _ now _ .” 

 

“So, what’s gonna happen? If we can’t bring Eridan back with us?” Aradia asks Gerald. He’s looking at the counter in thought.

 

“We could...steal him?” Karkat shrugs.

 

“Oh yeah, that’th thmart. Let’th pithh him off more shall we?” Sollux rolls his eyes.

 

“Well, what do you suggest then?”

 

“Can’t your CP-eth lady come here? Then she could do an invethtigation or whatever.”

 

Gerald looks at you, “What do you say?”

 

You look down at your toes, “I...don’t really like that idea. The thought of that vvideo spreading all ovver…” you shake your head in disfavor.

 

“Sir, the video has all of the proof…”

 

You look at him with your piercing glare, “I don’t want it getting into the wrong hands.”

 

That shuts him up.

 

“Well then let’s keep it between us, the police, and Nat. She can come up here...it’s not that far. Three hours tops.” Karkat says while texting.

 

You nod, while looking at the stairs. “Wwhat do you guys wwant to do for three hours then?”

 

“Can we get a house tour?” Aradia smiles while wiping off the last dish.

 

You, Cro, and Gerald lead the three around the mansion, pointing out stuff. When you get to your dad’s door, you point at it, and hold up your middle finger to it. That earns a few smiles.

 

You spend the remainder of the time outside on the sundeck. You see rain clouds moving in, so you try to enjoy the clear skies while you can.

 

Everyone sits on the lawn chairs, discussing pointless things. You even get on the topic of your childhood and your brother takes this time to tell everybody the embarrassing things you’ve done. 

 

You bury your face in your hands when he tells the story about the old lady.

 

“Once,” he says through laughter. “Wve wvere at the supermarket…” you take this time to groan. “And he wvas one of those shy kids so he nevwer made eye contact wvith anyone. He follwved this old wvoman aroun’ the store thinkin’ it wvas me until checkout. He realized she vwasn't me an’ then he sort of...freaked out and started cryin’.”

 

“Oh my god, you were probably the cutest,” Aradia coddles.

 

“Probably?” Sollux grins.

 

“He also carried aroun’ this wvhite wvand like he wvas a wvizard or somethin’.”

 

You sigh and facepalm.

 

Karkat looks up from his phone, “Nat says she’s five minutes out.”

 

You nod and gain your composure before leading the group inside.

 

Suffice it to say, the meeting is full of a bunch of papers, confusing words, and tense moments when you think your father is walking down the hall. Natalie turns out to be...extraordinarily weird but also helpful. She actually seems to care and hopefully what Karkat said about her using your father’s bribes against him is true.

 

That night, after Nat has left and everyone’s gone to their respective guest rooms, you bring out a well-known book and begin reading. You sit in your favorite chair just in front of the window. When you’re halfway through chapter four, there’s a soft knock on your door that makes you tense up. Sollux pops his head into your room, which startles you, but you’re thankful it’s not your father.

 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

 

“Can I come in?”

 

“Uh...yeah. Sure?”

 

He steps into your room nervously, almost like he is second-guessing himself. Once in, he closes the door softly and shuffles over to your bed. You watch him with an amused smirk.  _ What a dork _ .

 

“Can I thit?” He’s even more awkward than you.

 

“Yes?”

 

He nods. 

 

It’s quiet for about thirty seconds before he looks up at your expectant face. You’re waiting for him to talk or explain why he’s in your room, but he doesn’t say anything. He just looks at your book, and then back up at you.

 

“Is...there any particular reason wwhy you’re in here?”

 

“Uh...I couldn’t thleep and yer light wath on.”

 

You raise your eyebrows.

 

“...tho...I thought maybe we could...talk?”

 

You close your book and sit up straighter, “Yeah, of course. Wwhat’s up?”

 

“I...uh...what wath it like living in thith houthe?”

 

_ That’s pretty random _ .

 

“It wwas... _ is _ ...really,” you look out the window for the correct word. You look down at the plain garden that no one sees and the wall encompassing it. You're the only one who really appreciates it, “...suffocating.” You return your gaze to him to find him watching you intently, “I had to tiptoe around my father evvery day of my life. Wwhy do you ask?”

 

He snaps out of his small trance and shifts, “I wath jutht curiouth. What about your thithter?”

 

You stiffen, “Wwhat about her?”

 

“What wath she like? Bethideth obthethed with thwimming…”

 

“She wwas…” you flinch. You don’t really want to think about her. “...the only one wwho truly understood me. Wwhat about your brother? The drawwer.”

 

“He’th…” he flinched a lot like you did. “He  _ wath _ like a thmall me.” His wording suggests something happened.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

He gives you a confused gaze. “For what?”

 

“Your brother...did you lose him?”

 

He smiles then, “No. He’th jutht a little methed up ith all. He hath brain damage from a car accident a few yearth ago.”

 

“Oh. I didn’t knoww that…”

 

He nods, an empty smile upon his lips. You want to change the subject, but you don’t know what to say.

 

“Ith it...okay...If I thleep in here?”

 

“Uh...yeah...I guess? Is there something wwrong wwith your room? Too cold? I could set you up in another room if there’s any problems...”

 

“No. It’th...jutht...lonely.” 

 

_ Oh. _

 

“Oh,” you get that. “Wwell, I’m still readin’ my book, so you can lay dowwn if you wwant. I’m not turning out the light though.”

 

He smirks, “that’th fine. Thankth.”

 

You open your book back up as he get's situated. You read the rest of the chapter before looking over at Sollux. He’s looking at you too. That’s surprises you.

 

“Wwhat? Is the light bothering you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“What’re you reading?”

 

“Moby Dick. It’s...my favvorite book.”

 

“Nerd,” he huffs.

 

You roll your eyes and turn the page to chapter five. You begin reading and delve into the world of Ishmael, forgetting all about the boy in your bed.

 

Halfway through the book, you shake your head and whisper, “Wwhat the actual fuck.” That part gets you every time. How stupid can they be?

 

You begin to doze off when the ship gets stuck in the ice, head leaning on the armrest. At least they’re cushioned. 

 

You’re startled awake when a hand settles on your shoulder, your wide eyes settling on Sollux’s worried ones. You look around and see that it’s still dark outside and your book is still open to the page you were on.

 

“Do you want to lay down? That doethn’t look very comfortable.”

 

“Yeah. It’s not,” you set your book on the windowsill and rub your eyes. Sol holds his hand out to help you up and your half-asleep mind decides it’s a good idea to take it.

 

He pulls you to your bed and you slide in after setting your glasses on the nightstand. The other turns out the light.

 

You don’t even care enough to turn away from Sol when he climbs in to face you. You’re out in a matter of minutes.

 

Unfortunately, the nightmare about that night plagues you again. You wake up suddenly because you feel like you can’t breathe. You notice you’re holding your neck protectively. You sigh and turn over, willing yourself to go back to sleep, but you lay there for what feels like ten minutes before giving up.

 

With your legs over the side of the bed, you hold your tired face in your hands. 

 

“You okay?” Sol whispers from behind you.

 

“Yeah,” you voice seems too loud, even if it is just a whisper.

 

“Lay back down.”

 

You do.

 

Then you feel heat against your back and an arm wraps around your torso. You suck in a breath.

 

“Ith thith okay?” He whispers even softer than he was before. You let out the breath and nod.  _ What is happening? _

 

When all the shifting and getting comfortable is over, your back is flush against his chest with his arm holding you there. It’s warm and honestly...the most comfortable and safe you’ve felt in a long time.

 

Your breaths even out and soon, you feel yourself drifting off. 

 

The constant warmth and soft breathing against your neck soothes any more nightmares you may have had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excuse any typos. and excuse any cheesiness. lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF ABUSE, PANIC ATTACK SORTA, AND A BITCH NAMED VRISKA BE PREPARED TO PUNCH THAT SCORPIO RIGHT IN THE FACE

When you wake, it’s to repetitive sounds. You try to focus on the pull of sleep, but the sounds don’t stop. You hum and turn your head, feeling something soft tickle your chin.

 

You’ve concluded that the noises are giggles, and you crack your eyes open to see multiple figures standing in your room.

 

You try to turn over, but something heavy is on top of your right shoulder. You look down to see nothing but honey-colored hair. It seems that during the middle of the night, Sol put his head on your chest.

 

_How cute…_

 

Oh. Your hand was in his hair.

 

“Goodmorning sunshine,” you hear Kar say. “How nice of you to join the living.”

 

You roll your tired eyes, “goodmornin’ to ya’ too.”

 

The sleeping form on top of you shifts a little, groaning and nuzzling his head underneath your jaw.

 

Cro sits down at the foot of the bed, giving you a smirk. He tsks, “Gayyyyyyyyy.”

 

You roll your eyes, but smile nonetheless. Karkat looks between you and Cro confused.

 

Once you’ve detached yourself from Sol’s warm grasp, you use the bathroom and follow Kar, Cro, and Aradia down to the kitchen. You wanted to wake Sol, but Karkat convinced you it wouldn’t be a good idea, so you let him sleep in.

 

The rest of the morning goes by quick. Sollux wakes up halfway through breakfast and everyone makes a big deal about you sleeping next to each other. This makes both of you blush and glare at the others. _It wasn’t like that._

 

Pyrope calls with good news: that she’s talked to a CPS agent in the Covington area. She trusts the new agent and her and a few others will be stopping by to investigate.

 

She also said that the child can be held in another relative’s house or foster home for up to 72 hours while the investigation is in progress. You smile wide at that and you even get a hug from Aradia and Cronus...at the same time.

 

“Swveet.”

 

“Thank god,” you hear Karkat sigh.

 

“You’re not out of the water just yet,” Gerald says from the couch. His head motions to the hallway. “You still have to get away from your father.”

 

“The CPS will do that,” Karkat says confused.

 

“Regardless, Eridan’s going to have a target on his back.”

 

You nod, understanding completely. You’re not exactly sure how the CPS works, but one of three things could happen. One: your father will go to jail and his friends and allies will do whatever he says...even if it is to hurt you in some way; two: the CPS and police make a big deal out of the case and your father’s reputation will diminish when the press get a hold of this shit; and three: it will be a quiet case, leaving your father to his own company while you go live with Cronus. Maybe your father could get the help he needs. You hope to god the third one works out, but you’re doubtful.

 

You’re currently in the middle of a game of Monopoly with your three friends...and it is not going well for them. Cro is laying on your bed playing on his phone as you four scream at each other. Gerald is somewhere downstairs doing his own thing.

 

About 3 in the afternoon, you hear the doorbell ring from your room. You share a look with your opponents and the game is put on hold. Cronus rises from your bed first, then the rest of you follow.

 

It’s a silent trek down the stairs. Once you all make it to the front door, Gerald is there talking with three people: two tall men and a woman.

 

One man has a square jaw, long black hair, and sunglasses...he looks really familiar to you. The second man has flaming red hair slicked back like Cronus’ and a playful grin. The woman, who is smiling at you, has cat-like features and soft brown hair.

 

“Eridan,” Gerald says. “Meet Delphine Lejion, she’s going to be your caseworker.”

 

Like before, you sort of tune out when they start talking with legal jargon. You hear what they’re saying, but you’re not listening. Instead, you find yourself imagining what it would be like to be back in Astoria, standing with your arms on the rail and looking out at the ocean.

 

You picture Sollux standing next to you, talking about random things like college or video games. The cold wind from the sea and the warmth of his shoulder against yours. You visualize the boats crawling by and the seagulls huddled up on the shore.

 

Someone snaps their fingers in front of your face, snapping you out of your daydream. It’s Karkat, “Oi, pink hair! Stop lookin’ at your boyfriend and pay attention, this information is important.”

 

“It’s magenta…” you glare. Cronus laughs and shakes his head. You didn’t know you were staring at Sollux.

 

You glance over at him and you see a pink dusting on his cheeks.

 

 _How cute_.

 

“As I was saying, it’s not a guarantee that we’ll find something within those 72 hours, but if there’s anything that makes us doubt that Mr. Ampora can’t take care of Eridan, we will lengthen the investigation time.”

 

“So...wvhat about tonight?” Cronus is chewing on his nails.

 

The woman nods in thought, “If I could, I would drop his guardianship on the spot, but unfortunately...there’s a procedure. You may take him for 72 hours, but like I said, there’s no guarantee that we’ll find something. I’ve heard that this case is hard to break.”

 

“An’ wwhat if wwe havve evvidence?”

 

She looks at you confused, then gains her composure. “Then that would be enough grounds to rehouse you until further notice.”

 

Cronus and Karkat turn to you with smiles on their faces.

 

“...but,” she adds. “It also depends on what it is.”

 

“It’s a video...and pictures.” Gerald says.

 

She nods with a small smile. “We’ll have to have our specialists look at it to see if it’s been tampered with, but Eridan can be rehoused while that’s in progress.”

 

You don’t understand what she’s saying. It can’t be that easy can it? Surely not. There’s got to be some kind of catch.

 

“Eridan?” Aradia asks, you look up. “Did you hear what she said? You’re going home!”

 

You stare blankly at her.

 

“Wvhat’s wvrong chief?”

 

“It...can’t be that easy…”

 

“Why?” Karkat asks.

 

“I don’t knoww, it’s just...I’m used to things not goin’ my wway. It sounds too good to be true.”

 

Cronus snakes an arm around your shoulders. “It’s really happenin’ Eri.”

 

You look over at Sollux to find him staring at the ground.

 

Delphine comes to stand in front of you, holding out her hands like Fef used to when she wanted you to swing her around in a circle. You hold her hands and she smiles, “This is your chance. I believe in you.”

 

You find yourself smiling without thinking about it. She must have some kind of calming effect or something.

 

“But first, we’re going to have to see that video,” her eyebrows crease together. You nod again, looking over at Gerald.

 

Ger leads everyone into the conference room again, and you feel like your heart is beating up your rib cage. You can actually feel it thumping against your chest.

 

Cronus wraps his arm around your shoulder again, probably because he could sense your unease.

 

“Yer’ shakin’...” he whispers.

 

“I am?”

 

Gerald brings up the video feed from the security cameras. He uses the wireless mouse to switch frames and rewind it to the beginning. Through it, you see the shadows of you and your dad tussling in the kitchen moving frame by frame. Your gut clenches when you hear several people in the room suck in a breath. The only thing running through your brain is ‘ _pity, pity, pity_ ’.

 

You shove it down because you know that’s what your dad has drilled into your head. You shouldn’t feel this self conscious.

 

“Eridan? You know we don’t have to watch it right? Do you want us to watch it?” Aradia says in a soft tone. Despite the feeling of uneasiness, you nod, feeling embarrassed. It’s important to trust people, you can’t just put everything on your own shoulders.

 

“Ok,” Gerald says. He clicks the mouse and the monitor jolts into motion. Your heart instantly drops.

 

The lighting in the video isn’t all that great since it was in the middle of the night, but you can clearly make out what’s happening. Fortunately, there is no sound, just your father’s forceful movements with his arms and his lips shouting insults at you. You see the broken glass that he threw at the wall and your form standing awkwardly next to the island.

 

Things quickly escalate after a few seconds of that. You see your father stalk toward you and you back up against the wall, thankfully missing the shards on the floor. You slide out of your father’s path so you’re not trapped against the wall. He turns back around, says something, and then lunges toward you.

 

His fingers squeeze around your arm and you swear you can feel it while standing there watching it happen. You reach up to touch where his hand was.

 

Focusing back on the video, you see him push you to the ground and instantly push his hand against your throat. You can barely make out your face in the darkness but you can definitely see the way your legs kick under him and your arms trying to push him off of you. His mouth is moving vigorously.

 

“Oh my goodness,” you hear Delphine whisper.

 

You can definitely still feel his hands around your throat.

 

You watch as you struggle against him for so long that it almost becomes boring, before your movements slow and completely stop. That was when you blacked out and fell into a cloudy and tingly blackness. Then you see another form enter the frame and pull your father off.

 

Gerald pauses the video and clicks a few times on the mouse. On the screen is a close up picture of your head and neck. In the image, you can see the redness of the injuries and the bruising quickly forming. Your eyes are glazed over...like you’re mind was wiped. Almost like you had no soul.

 

“Elias believes the tech guy deleted these clips, but I pulled a few strings. He has no idea we have them.”

 

You find yourself staring blankly at the ground. You don’t want to be here. You don’t want their pitying glances and apologies. You can’t.

 

You duck out of Cro’s grasp and exit the room.

 

You head for your room, glaring at the floor. You’re filled with anger for some reason. You’re done being weak. You’re done with everyone pitying you. _You’re done!_

 

You slam your door and pace your room.

 

You want to scream and punch a wall. You want to punch yourself. You just want this to be over with. All of it.

 

You catch your image in the mirror and freeze. You’re slightly out of breath and you can’t stop clenching your teeth together. You also feel your nails digging into your palms. You look...pathetic.

 

You tighten every muscle in your body and will yourself not to do something stupid.

 

You hear a knock on your door and you growl. It opens before you can say ‘don’t come in’.

 

It’s Sollux. Of course it’s Sollux. You can feel your heart battering against your rib cage and it almost hurts. He closes the door softly and starts walking towards you. You move away.

 

“What’th wrong?”

 

You shake your head, and look away. You’re afraid you might say something you regret.

 

“Hey,” he says with that stupid soft voice. You quickly send him a warning glare, mad at his pity.

 

“ _Don’t_.”

 

He throws his hands up, but keeps moving towards you...like you’re a rabid animal.

 

“It’th okay, it’th jutht me…” He’s still approaching. You don’t like the feeling of being backed up into a corner...even though there is no corner.

 

“It’th okay,” he repeats. This time, he tries to reach for you, presumably to hug you, but your heart surges with anger and the next thing you know, your self control flickers and your arms shoot out.

 

You push him hard and you hear the breath he lets out and the thump of his body hitting the floor. It sounds so wrong; too close. It takes you a few seconds to realize what just happened. Then all the tension in your body releases and you slump down to the floor a few feet away, out of breath.

 

You stare at Sollux in horror. You took your anger out on him...you...just…

 

‘ _You’re just as bad as me_ ,’ you hear your father’s voice ring through your head.

 

Cronus opens your door and sticks his head in, “That wvas a pretty loud thu-wvha' are ya doin' on the floor? Ya’ okay?”

 

“No,” you breath out with difficulty. You feel like crying.

 

It seems like the whole world becomes silent. And there are tears welling up in your eyes.

 

“Eri...wvhat happened?”

 

With your next breath comes a wave of tears and self-hatred. Cronus is next to you in a matter of seconds, hugging you.

 

You don’t push away from him. In fact, every ounce of strength has drained from your body and you probably couldn’t push away even if you wanted.

 

“Wvhy are ya’ cryin’?” He coddles. Shaking your head, you grip his shirt.

 

“I’m h-horrible.”

 

They let you cry for minutes until you calm down and eventually stop. You sit there with your head against your brothers chest, blinking tiredly.

 

You pull away and wipe the remaining tears. You force yourself to look at Sollux and find him with his head in his hands.

 

“I’m sorry,” you say. He looks up at you and shakes his head.

 

“Don’t be, I provoked you and I should’ve given you your thpathe.”

 

You want to nod but you just look down.

 

“Ya’ ready to go back home?” Cronus asks.

 

“Mhm.”

 

It’s raining when you get outside. You can see the sky turning pink as the sun sets. Gerald told Cro to take the car since you all wouldn’t fit and you sit in front because Cro insists.

 

No one talks over the old music your brother turns on. You spend the entire ride with your hands in your lap listening to the rain hit the windshield, the low music, and the hum of the car engine.

 

You keep replaying the scene in your head. Losing control and pushing Sollux...it’s exactly like your dad. _You_ are exactly like your dad.

 

Maybe you’re turning into him...or maybe you’ve been him all along. Looking down, you observe your hands balled into fists.

 

On the bridge, you watch the lights of Astoria grow closer with an empty feeling in your chest. You should be happy...and you are to some extent, but you don’t feel like you’ve escaped yet.

 

When Cro pulls up to the house, he doesn’t get out of the car.

 

“I’m gonna’ go take these kids home, the door should be unlocked.”

 

You nod numbly, feeling rain drip down your whole body. You shut the car door and watch him drive off.

 

You don’t know how long you stand there. Could’ve been two minutes, or ten. But when you go inside the house, you are absolutely soaked.

 

When you open the door to your room, you see your bed with the blankets flung to the end and your closet door still open from when your father ripped it almost off its hinges.

 

You turn on the lamp and sit on your bed, still cold and wet. You slowly inspect everything in your room. The room that is now undoubtedly yours.

 

You wonder how school’s going to go tomorrow and whether you’ll still have friends. Sollux would’ve surely told them what you did. They probably think you’re horrible now...but you don’t blame them because you really are horrible.

 

“I hate you,” you whisper to yourself.

 

“I. HATE. YAAAAOU!” You scream and dig your nails into your scalp.

 

When you stop screaming, you feel like you might pass out so you let your head fall onto your pillow and try to get comfortable in your damp, itchy clothing. You don't, and you stare at nothing until you finally fall asleep and let nightmares take you.

 

You’re awoken by your brother playing with your hair. You groan and roll over, surely it can’t be morning so soon.

 

“Are ya’ goin’ ta’ school?”

 

You really don’t want to, but you’d rather be there than stuck in your mind here. Forcing yourself to sit up, you hold your hand to your head, feeling like it might explode.

 

“Headache?”

 

You nod and sit up properly. You slept in your clothes and you didn’t take a shower so you feel really stale and greasy.

 

“Advil?” You ask. Your jaw seems sore too, maybe clenching your teeth together wasn’t a good idea yesterday.

 

After Cro gets you medicine, you get up and step into the shower. You turn the temperature as hot as it can go and let your body sting under the water. Maybe this will help with the gross feeling in your head.

 

When you’re done, you stare at your red skin in the mirror while drying off. The bruising on your neck is still dark brownish-yellow but at least it’s not purple like it was.

 

Cro drives you to school for the second time, and you climb out with your book bag across your chest and a scarf covering your wounds.

 

Fortunately, lips heal really fast, so there’s only a small indication of a split lip.

 

“Don’t you dare start blarin’ Hounddog,” you say numbly.

 

“Wvhy? It’s hilarious,” he smirks.

 

You just sigh and climb out.

 

Thankfully, he leaves without any disruption and you walk across the parking lot while staring at the ground. Your heart is racing because you know you’re getting close to where Kanaya, Aradia, Dave, Karkat, and Sollux are standing.

 

Then your heart gains a little more tension when you hear a familiar voice, “Hey idiot, get over here!”

 

You look up and find exactly what you knew you would. You approach with your head and eyes down, ready to get chewed out about how horrible you are.

 

“What’s up?” Karkat asks pointedly.

 

You blink, “tired.”

 

Kanaya tips her head to the side. “Do you want me to walk you to your next class?”

 

You shrug. _Why are you being so nice? I don’t deserve your kindness._

 

“We can walk together,” Karkat says cheerfully. His tone takes on an awkward edge, but there is no sarcasm. You check Kar’s face for any negative connotations, but only find his lips in an stiff, but sincere, smile that doesn’t look like it belongs on his face. It takes all of your being _not_ to glance up at Sollux. You’re sure his expression is full of judgement. Maybe even disgust.

 

You just sort of stand next to Kanaya, as far away from Sollux as you can get, until the bell rings and the group heads in.

 

Kanaya and Karkat are right by your side the whole way to AP Chem. The handful of times you look up at Kanaya to gauge her hostility towards you, you’re met with a calm smile every time.

 

_She’s probably hiding her judgement. I don’t think she’s the kind to call anyone out. She’s too polite._

 

_Or maybe Sollux didn’t tell anyone...maybe he’s creating a plan with that information. Wait. No. What the fuck am I even thinking? Fuck._

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kanaya softly touches your shoulder. It doesn’t make you flinch, and you kind of like the warmth through your thin grey sweater.

 

You smile and nod, trying to sell your words. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

 

You can tell she doesn’t believe you by the worried expression that follows. “Alright hun, I’ll see you in English.”

 

Kar and Kanaya exchange farewells and then you’re sitting across from the black-haired boy, filling out the packet that you both weren’t here for.

 

It being Tuesday, November 28th, that means you both missed the lab yesterday so you’ll probably be out of the loop for the rest of the week. You two copy off of the other table’s work.

 

After gliding through French and History, (two of your easiest classes) you make it to Honors English and hesitantly sit next to Kanaya. She’s already in a conversation with a girl in the next row; she calls her "Jade" many times.

 

You notice that Kanaya likes saying people’s names when talking to them. Maybe it’s a manipulation technique of some sort.

 

Soon after class begins, the teacher hands out partner quizzes that have the basic practices for the test later that week. Kanaya suggests you work on them together and you don’t object. For the next ten minutes, the only communication between you two is filled with the odd and random jargon that is vocabulary.

 

When you finish, you and the short-haired brunette get into a deep discussion about fashion: how it makes individuals feel about themselves and how fabric has no gender. You both agree on most points that pertain to the topic at hand.

 

That chat bleeds into lunchtime, earning odd looks from Dave and Karkat and adding more conversationalists when Aradia and Rose join in. You still don’t dare look at Sollux.

 

The _confabulation_ (yes, that’s a word) dies down when everyone finishes their food. Only a few around the table are still eating, either because they’re slow or they munch on leftovers.

 

That’s when a certain blogger wanders over to the table and sits across from you. You sigh and prepare for some bullshit.

 

“So I was digging around…” she sneers happily, looking around at the exasperated faces. You sigh again, already done with this predicament.

 

“...and I found something _quite_ interesting. See, your father’s company was going _perfectly_  fine when your mother was involved.” _This again. Fuck._ “But when she left, it went to _absolute shit_ . I’m still figuring out _why_ your mommy left you boys and took little miss _Feferi_ with her, but I’m going to f-”

 

“Don’t you _dare_ say her name like that,” you growl. Fuck; you’re losing control.

 

“Oooohoo _hooo_ ,” she smiles. “ _Touchy_.”

 

With all your might, you glare.

 

“Did you get that from your mother’s side or your _father’s_?”

 

Karkat steps in before the rage can bubble up and over your lips. It settles to a boil inside your chest.

 

But this side of Karkat is new. He doesn’t yell; he gives the meanest glare you have ever seen. “ _Fuck_ you Vriska. _Fuck you_ and your stupid confrontational bitchiness that you love to spew in every direction because you need all the attention you can get, even if it’s in the form of pure hatred. And I’m sorry that your life is so uneventful that you feel the need to fill it with other people's private business and that you were raised with no decent morals, I truly _am_ sorry for that. It must suck. But for once in your life, can you _please, for the love of GOD!_ ” he only raises his voice for that one syllable. “Take your pathetic, snooping agenda and find some other poor soul to torture.”

 

You watch as her angered expression turns into an irritated one. She raises one eyebrow before opening her mouth, “Fine Vantas. Fuck you too, and have a nice day.”

 

With that, she stands from the table, tips her head, and walks off. You stare at the spot where she just was and sink into the folds of your memories, only coming back up for air when the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch.

 

You’re pulled to your next class, Pre-Calculus, by Kanaya. For some reason, you’re being escorted everywhere today. You focus on the math questions at hand, trying to push everything else out of your mind. Filling your brain with difficult equations helps somewhat.

 

After bidding Kanaya farewell for the day, you stroll into Art, your last class, and sit in your regular spot. You imagine Sollux to sit somewhere else so he doesn’t have to put up with you.

 

Despite your doubts, someone does plop into the next seat. When you look up to see who it is, you come face-to-face with mismatched eyes and honey-colored hair.

 

You two stare at each other for a moment before you look down. He hates you. He’s probably just sitting there because it was his seat first. For the next five minutes, you prepare the evacuation route in your mind for if Sollux tells you to move.

 

That doesn’t happen, and at some point, you put your head down and snooze a little. Someone wakes you up with a hand on your shoulder.

 

“Ed?”

 

_Oh shit, I have to move. Grab bag, two steps to the left, turn-_

 

_Wait...there’s no one even...here._

 

“Clath ith over.”

 

 _Oh._ “Oh.”

 

You turn around and start heading out the door, but a hand comes out to grab your arm.

 

“Wait,” Sollux’s hand slides to your wrist. You look back to see him with a creased brow like he’s deep in thought.

 

“Do you...not like me anymore?”

 

He asks you like he genuinely thinks that. You mirror his expression, “Wwhat? I...I thought _you_ didn’t like me. Not after... _that_.”

 

“What maketh you think that?”

 

You look back towards the door, and then down at the floor. “I just...keep...comparin’ myself to my dad evver since I...pushed you.”

 

Looking up, you find a smile like a weight was just taken off of his shoulders, then he does something that makes your heart rate pick up: he pulls you by the wrist into a hug, where he wraps his arms around your shoulders and leans his cheek against your temple.

 

“It’th not your fault. You were having thome thort of panic attack and I didn’t think about perthonal thpathe.”

 

“But I shouldn’t havve hurt you,” you say into his neck.

 

“I’m fine,” he pulls away and turns his arms this way and that. “Thee? Not even a thcratch.”

 

You nod but you’re not completely convinced you’re not just like your father.

 

“Do...you think I could drive you home?”

 

You shrug, “If you wwant to?”

 

He nods with a small smile and leads you out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excuse any and all typos (this will forever be in my end notes because...minor dyslexia...yeah)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MENTION OF 18+ MATERIAL. ALSO A NIGHTMARE

By four o’clock, you’re in the dark blue chair shoved under your window, reading, when your brother knocks twice in quick succession and then opens your door.

 

    “Hey,” he’s only half-inside. You’d think he’d fall with how his body is angled.

 

    You raise an eyebrow at him expectantly.

 

    “Uh...I wvas…” He clears his throat. “You dowvn to go to the park? I...kinda wvanna talk ‘bout somethin’.”

 

    _Talk about something? This can’t be good._

 

    You shrug; the book wasn’t really interesting anyways. Half the time you were off in your own little world and you had to reread many many passages.

 

    Since people are still out and about, you wear your signature sweater and scarf combo, because you have to hide bruises that are on your neck that your father put there. You glare at the piece of apparel wrapped around your neck, but soon brush off the anger sizzling low in your lungs.

 

    When you get to the front door, Cro is holding out a black umbrella with a blank look on his face. You don’t know what you’re supposed to be preparing for, but there’s a tingly feeling in the middle of your back. You ping it as mild anxiety.

 

    The walk is just as long and adventurous as before, but with the added element soaking the bottom of your jeans. It’s an unwanted itchiness that doesn’t seem to go away no matter how much you scratch at your ankles.

 

    Cro sends you a few confused looks but doesn’t question.

 

    You recognize the swings immediately once you emerge from the woods, even without the thin blanket of snow on them. Surprisingly, there isn’t anyone present.

 

    “Jus’ to ourselvwes then,” Cro raises his eyebrows and nods.

 

    The two of you sit down in your respective swings, getting adjusted and comfortable. For you, that’s pulling your sleeves over your cold hands and looking around at the mediocre view. For your brother, it’s cracking his neck, plucking out another cigarette, and cupping his hands around the lighter.

 

    You have to ask.

 

    “Howw many of those do you smoke a day?”

 

“Easily ten,” he finally gets it to work and then takes a deep breath in.

 

“Wwhy?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Like...wwhy’s it so appealing to you?”

 

“I don’t knowv.” He pinches the white stick between his thumb and index finger and moves it away from his face, “Stress maybe?”

 

    Another drag.

 

“Yeah: stress,” he nods, almost like he’s confirming it to himself.

 

“You must be really fuckin’ stressed to smoke _that_ many...”

 

He sighs and he shrugs his shoulders. He’s looking at the cigarette with a relaxed face.

 

“That’s actually wvhat I wvanted to talk about,” he pauses. “Y’knowv my wvork at the grill?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Wvell...that’s only half of it.”

 

You give him a questioning look. He glances over and shakes his head, “I just...ugh...yknowv wvhat? Forget about it; it’s stupid.”

 

“Wwhat? No, noww you havve to tell me.”

 

He smirks but you see mainly sadness. “I havwe twvo jobs chief, an’ it sucks.”

 

“Wwhy? Doesn’t dad givve you enough money to livve off of?”

 

Cro looks at you, confused. “Ya’ think I’m really gunna use that corrupt trash? No, I’m tryin’ to pay my owvn wvay. He doesn’t deservwe the pleasure of givwin’ me charity.”

 

You look down at the ground and bob your head, “That makes sense.”

 

“Just look wvhat he did to yer neck Eridan, he’s a fucking monster.”

 

You nod again.

 

“So wwhat’s yer second job?”

 

“Ya’ evwer seen ‘Magic Mike’?”

 

“Yea?” Then his question clicks in your head.

 

“ _No_ ,” you say in disbelief. He’s a…

 

“Yup, ya’ gotta’ do wvhatcha’ gotta’ do. Am I right?” He chuckles.

 

“So...yer a stripper?”

 

He takes a drag then says, “Yup,” smoke rolling through the air with the word.

 

“Wwhen?”

 

“Usually Fridays and Saturdays, but they call me in sometimes wvhen one of the guys can’t come in.”

 

“Just guys? Is it a gay bar? ‘Are ya’ gay or somethin’?” You smirk lightly.

 

He glares at you, “No. It jus’ pays really wvell.”

 

You look down. “Wwould it help if I got a job?”

 

“Ya’ don’t need ta do that chief, I can handle it. It’s jus’ been a rough wveek so far. An’ anywvays, you havwe school ta’ wvorry ‘bout.”

 

“I guess I havve to get a job anywways if I wwant to be self sufficient,” you shrug.

 

“Yeah...but still. You havwe other responsibilities.”

 

“Yeah,” you gaze down at your feet scuffing the wood chips. “But someday...hopefully soon. I can start makin’ my owwn money.”

 

“Ya’ sure ya’ wvanna take that on? It’s real stressful chief.”

 

“Like you said, he doesn’t deservve the satisfaction of givvin’ us charity.”

 

He ponders that behind his lashes, then nods, “Jus’ don’ start smokin’.”

 

“I wwouldn’t evven if you paid me.”

 

“Good.”

 

    For the next fifteen minutes, you and Cronus sit and watch the sky change all kinds of colors before settling on a neutral dark blue. Walking back is just as irritating as the walk there, and by the time you get home, you have to change pants because you can’t take the itchiness anymore.  

 

    You don’t sit back down in your favorite chair, nor do you pick your book back up. Instead, you crawl into bed and will yourself to go to sleep. Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy.

 

    Thoughts bounce around your head as you focus on the warmth of your comforter. Things like:

 

- _I can’t believe Cro is a stripper._

_-God my ankles are still itchy as all hell._

_-Where does the money Dad gives Cro go, if not in his bank account?_

_-Will I be able to get a job soon?_

_-Maybe this year, so Cro doesn’t have to suffer because of me._

_-I’ll probably have to quit the travel club._

_-Which is fine, I mean...it’s not like I’ve been that useful to them._

_-Go to bed._

_-I wonder what I’ll do with Dad’s money after I become self-sufficient._

_-I wonder if he’ll even_ give _me money after what we’re about to do...er...already have done._

_-Shit._

_-This was a mistake._

_-I should’ve just ran away._

_-Moved to a small town under a new name._

_-Maybe I will._

_-I’ll name myself Joe or something unnotable like that._

_-Adopt a dog and live in the woods._

_-What am I even thinking?_

_-Cod I’m so tired._

_-I wish Feferi was here._

_-She’d laugh at that pun._

_-Fuck. Just go to sleep._

_-Goddamn._

 

You had a few other roaming thoughts before you finally sank into the tendrils of sleep. You don’t remember many of them.

 

    When you come into consciousness, you’re ankle deep in water. _This is new_ , you think. You open your eyes to find yourself trapped in a glass box. You vaguely connect this moment to a movie you once watched with Gerald.

 

    Outside the box is darkness and you get the sense that you’re alone.

 

    Then you feel the water rise a few inches against your bare leg and you realize you’re completely and utterly naked.

 

    “ _This is wweird,”_ your voice is only in your ears and feels like a rumble down low in your chest.

 

    More water starts entering the box you’re trapped in at a concerning rate. You look around for the source of water, but there isn’t one. _Fuck_.

 

    It’s up to your hips now, and you start pounding on the glass. When you look back out into the darkness, you find four people standing just outside the box. They just stand there.

 

Aradia, Karkat, Sollux, and Cronus.

 

You plead to them with your eyes but they all just look at you with blank stares.

 

They start to laugh, but you can’t hear them and their eyes don’t leave you. You find it creepy and embarrassing, so you look away. Your breaths quicken as the cold liquid reaches your chest.

 

“ _No…_ ”

 

You look back up at the figures only to see them back to their blank faces.

 

“ _I’m going to die…_ ”

 

One-by-one, they start to turn away. Aradia first, walking away while shaking her head.

 

“ _Kar,”_ you plead.

 

His eyebrows scrunch up in disappointment, and he, too, walks away.

 

“ _Sol. Please, I can’t…”_

 

He laughs, and retreats as well. You bite your quivering lip. Your brother, with a solemn and pitying look, gazes at you and the box you’re in and tsks. When he turns his back, you can’t help the fear that crawls into every atom of your being.

 

The water is now at your neck and you raise your head to call to your brother.

 

“ _Cro._ ”

 

“ _Cro!”_

 

 _“_ Cronus!”

 

“CRO PLEASE!”

 

You swear you had more air, but you’re suddenly pulled down by your ankle. And through the murky blueness, you see your father’s smirking face and feel his hand at your throat once again.

 

The next thing you know, you’re in your room being cradled by a set of arms and you’re hyperventilating.

 

“Shhhh, I got ya’. ‘M here,” it’s your brother.

  
“Fuck,” you whisper. _Just a dream._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a pretty short chapter. and i will edit it later bc im currently on my phone because my schools internet blocked ao3 and thats p shitty.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: HOMOPHOBIC SLUR: "F"

When your alarm wakes you at 6:30 in the morning, the memories of the dream are still fresh in your mind. It’s takes a lot of your strength to get out of bed, but when you’re finally standing, you proceed to your morning routine with a blank face and subconscious movements.

 

Cro isn’t there when you exit the hall. Usually he’s up and about, drinking coffee or making breakfast. You’re still a little confused on what happened last night after your nightmare, but you’re pretty sure you just fell asleep again. You check Cro’s room, but the bed is empty.

 

You reckon this means you’re walking to school for the first time, which is fine with you; it was bound to happen at some point.

 

You find a sticky note on the door saying: “got called into wvork dont wvait up :)” and start making your own coffee. You don’t feel like pulling out a bunch of dishes to make breakfast, so you just stick to the cup of hot joe you pour into a travel mug. 

 

Before you exit the house, you double-check your appearance to make sure everything matches:

 

A sweater that’s dark blue with red and grey accents rolled up to your elbows, dark blue slim fit pants, a red scarf, and brown shoes to match your book bag. You choose to slip on a couple rings and a bracelet too, looking yourself over in the mirror next to the door.  _ I look fucking amazing _ , you think. 

 

The morning air smells of petrichor and nips at your ears and nose with how cold it is. You alternate holding the hot mug with each hand to keep them both warm. You make your way down the driveway and across the street to the small trail cutting through the trees, eyeing the birds huddled up on the electrical wires.

 

It looks like the trail goes up and down various hills, which earns a grumble out of you. Despite your silent complaining, you start your trek down the hill...and up the next. You follow the four-wheeler route reluctantly.

 

When you can finally see the redbrick building through the trees, your coffee is all gone and you’re sick of walking. Thankfully, the mud pools in the depressions of the hills are all frozen, so your shoes aren’t  _ that _ dirty.

 

There’s a slab of unpainted asphalt just beyond the trees that you peg as the school’s shitty excuse for a back parking lot. You also spot a few people hanging around the exit of the trail, almost as if on guard. In answer to their pretty intimidating vibe, your heart starts beating a little faster.

 

Unfortunately, the only way out is through...you just hope they don’t say anything.

 

Of course...your naivety doesn’t go unnoticed by you and the voice in your head that reminds you that nothing ever goes your way.

 

When you get close, shoulders tense and fingers tight around your empty mug, you can’t help but look over. They haven’t noticed you yet, but they look...familiar. You can’t place it.

 

You return your gaze to the ground in front of you, crossing your mind’s metaphorical fingers.

 

“Yo!”

 

_ Pay no attention to them. _

 

“Yo Eridan!”

 

_ Fuck _ .

 

You look over to see all four of them looking at you. The shortest one is waving his hand. He’s motioning you over.

 

_ Should I? What would they want? If I kept going, would they care? Maybe I should just go along so I don’t cause any disputes. _

 

You change your course over to the big rock they’re sitting and leaning against. There’s not many kids out here, you note.

 

You finally come to a stop a few yards away, just in case they try something. You wait expectantly for one of them to speak, head held high. The all look like gang members: black ripped jeans, chains and piercings...all of it. One of them, the creepiest one who keeps smirking at you, even has a gnarly scar on his right eye.

 

The small one, the boy who called you over, speaks up with a cheerful smile on his face. “ _ Nice  _ outfit man...”

 

“Thanks…” you can’t help the dubious look that spreads across your face.

 

The lanky guy with the long nose sneers, “Fucking faggot.”

 

_ Fuck. Here we go _ .

 

You deflate your better-than-you-shoulders, sighing and rolling your eyes. You actually thought they had something worth saying.

 

“Wwhatevver, if you guys are gunna be douches, then I’m leavving,” you turn back to the path and walk away. You would think one of them would call out again, maybe with another slur, but they let you go without any fuss.

 

The rest of the morning goes by fine, and so does lunch, to your surprise. It’s in Pre-Calculus that you see the guy with the scar again. He’s slouching in the furthermost desk looking at you. You glare questionably back at him before sitting next to Kanaya and continuing your discussion about how people use fashion to make themselves feel better. (Yes, she does call you out on wearing something fancy to cover up something that’s bothering you. And no, you do not tell her you had a nightmare that you woke up screaming from.)

 

You’re surprised to find Sollux standing next to your locker after class. He’s got his hands shoved into the pockets of his thin jacket and sneakers that look brown even though you’re sure they used to be white.

 

“Thup?”

 

“Wwhat’re you doin’ here?” You spin the little nob.

 

“You mean why am I at thchool?” He’s grinning.

 

“No,” you glare playfully. “Wwhy are you at my locker?”

 

He shrugs, “Jutht thought I’d walk you to clath…”

 

“Wwhy?”

 

“Why not?”

 

You put your math textbook next to the History one before closing the metal door and turning towards Sol. He’s been watching you.

 

“Ready?” He asks. You nod.

 

He leads the way to Art. 

 

When you two get to class, you sit at your regular table and make small talk until class begins.

 

“Good afternoon,” Maryam says. “Today we are going to do realism practices, so find a partner and a some paper. There is paper up front if you need it. Sit with your partner when you’re ready for me to begin the lesson.”

 

Of course, you and Sollux instinctively team up since you both don’t have any other friends in that class. After everyone settles down in a seat, the tall, elegant teacher returns to the front of the class and instructs everyone to warm up by drawing hands.

 

“Alright, now that everyone is all loosened up, it’s time to move onto faces. I would like one of you to look at the other’s face for reference. The second one will just...sit there and look pretty.”

 

You look over at Sollux with a grimace. You don’t want him to be hyper-focused on your face. That’d be a little...weird.

 

“I’ll draww first,” you volunteer.

 

He shrugs and turns towards you with a blank expression. You do the same and ready your pencil.

 

“First:” the teacher orders, “start with the face shape; make sure to keep in mind of the jawline, hairline, and cheekbones.”

 

You do, indeed, keep those things in mind. You note that Sollux has a heart-shaped face that’s long, but not sharp, and you can’t see his hairline because of his bangs. His eyes flick down to the paper a few times, but you notice that he’s also studying you too. You try to focus more on the drawing than him.

 

“Next, eyes. Don’t forget: it’s all in the space between the lid and the crease of the eye,  _ if _ they have a crease.”

 

You draw in Sol’s long, kind-of-squinty eyes. The drawing looks a little off to you, but you keep going, shaking your head, “This drawwing is gunna suck ass.”

 

“Thankth,” he smiles.

 

“That’s not wwha-”

 

“Now, let’s move onto the eyebrows.”

 

_ Light, moderately thick. _

 

“Nose.”

 

_ Tall and thin. _

 

“Lips.”

 

When she says this, the right corner of Sollux’s lips upturn slightly.  _ Shit, I didn’t think this through. _

 

Your eyes glance up at his with a glare and he stows his smile somewhere where you can’t see it. You start on his thin, curvy lips before your mind can take you someplace weird.

 

“Lastly, block in the shape of their hair, but don’t try to draw each strand; this is just a sketch.”

 

You end up with a drawing that looks very similar to Sollux, but the face is smaller than the real thing. You really want to erase it all and start over, but that would be counterproductive. It is just a sketch after all.

 

“Thweet, that lookth jutht like me,” he looks at it in disbelief. 

 

You shake your head but say thank you anyways.

 

Then it’s Sollux’s turn to draw you, and you are...a little more than unnerved. 

 

He keeps the paper positioned away from you, so you can’t see it. And there are a few times that he looks at a different part of your face than what the teacher says to focus on.

 

You unintentionally bite the skin on your lips a few times, but you catch yourself when Sollux raises his eyebrows at you. You realize you’re really bad at eye contact when you’re not in an ongoing conversation. 

 

What you don’t understand is that your father raised you to always keep eye contact. It shows respect and even sometimes strength, but you can’t do it now. It’s too awkward. 

 

You remember the one and only time you participated in an occurrence without eye contact. Your father practically slapped the spit out of your mouth and told you to pay attention to your surroundings. You were around eight years old.

 

“What’th wrong?”

 

“Huh?” You look over to see his eyebrows together in worry.

 

“What’re you thinking about?”

 

“Oh...uh, nothing. Are you done?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Can I see?”

 

He smirks and turns the sketchbook around. You’re taken aback by the three, highly-detailed drawings of you in three different poses.

 

The first one is of your head straight-on, like the teacher wanted. The second one is of your eyes staring off into space with a sad...lonely look. And the last on is of you biting your bottom lip with a disgruntled expression.

 

“Damn,” you whisper.

 

“Good?”

 

“Yeah: really good.”

 

You inspect them again, taking the sketch pad out of his hands. They don’t look  _ exactly _ like you: they have small cartoon features to them, probably Sollux’s style, but they are undoubtedly you.

 

Mrs. Maryam returns to the front after looking at many drawings, “Well done everyone, you can practice drawing different people until class lets out.”

 

“I really like this…” you say.

 

“Thankth.”

 

For the rest of class, you practice drawing different people around the room. Most of them are facing away from you, but you get a few good faces in there. None of them look as good as Sollux’s drawings though.

 

When the bell rings, you and Sol make your way to the normal meeting spot for the club.

 

This time, Sollux doesn’t have to go into work until a few hours after school, which leaves you both a couple hours to do some exploring for your article.

 

“Where do you want to go firtht?” Sol asks as he climbs into the driver’s seat.

 

“I don’t knoww. I havven’t really been here that long.”

 

“Where  _ have _ you been?”

 

“Uh...the Sunday Market, a feww restaurants, Cro’s wwork...and...I think that’s it.”

 

“Holy shit, you need to get out more.”

 

“It’s kinda hard wwhen you keep getting sucked back to Wwashington evvery time your father has a bad day,” you laugh bitterly.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Wwoww, sorry. That wwas stupid to say.”

 

“No, you’re right,” he seems to ponder something before nodding and sticking the key in the ignition. With the roar of the engine comes the destination Sollux chose in the span of 5 seconds:

 

“The Riverwalk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my holy gaddamn moly, this fic is gunna be W A Y longer than 15 chapters. jesus christ man. sattle up rangers, 'cause this shit is gunna be long as all hell.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: SLIGHT NIGHTMARE SCENE. TEENTSY BIT OF DRINKING?

There are large, white, cotton-like clouds above, and you can’t stop looking at them. The sky is an unusual bright blue and the almost-setting sun seems to cast a nice filter on everything: almost like a Polaroid camera.

 

It’s done raining and now the weather is deciding to let up a little. You don’t _mind_ the rain, but you’ve got to admit that the sun on your skin feels amazing after being cooped up in the chair under your window for the past couple days.

 

“Are you coming?” Sollux is already a few yards in front of the car. He seems to have brought you to the ocean. It’s not like you’re complaining, but you’ve kind of already been here before. You close the passenger door and hurry after him.

 

“I’vve already seen the wwater.”

 

“Yeth, but have you theen the Riverwalk?”

 

You narrow your eyes but continue to follow him.

 

He steps up on the wooden platform that extends over the steady waves. There are a lot of people out at this time: some are running and bicycling, others are tourists with bright t-shirts and flashy visors. They sit in the sun at the many picnic tables scattered around the large pier.

 

Sollux leads you over to a small paved path running along the shore.

 

“Wwhat is it?”

 

“Everyone callth it the Riverwalk. It’th like thix mileth of pathway that runth along the river and the trolley trackth. A lot of people uthe it for running.”

 

“ _Six miles?_ ” You grimace.

 

He laughs, “Don’t worry, we’re only going to walk a little of it. At leatht for today…”

 

You scrunch up your nose at the prospect of having to walk _six_ fucking miles for a stupid article, but hurry to get in-step with Sollux anyways.

 

_God, I hate walking._

 

“Thee,” he motions toward the bridge that connects Oregon to Washington. You inspect the path, which has bushes on either side. They aren’t tall enough to block the view of the water, or even the town to the left. You note that there are random dandelions sprouting out of the asphalt, but it’s not too overrun.

 

A young woman with a dog runs ahead of you two standing at the entrance, ponytail swinging back and forth.

 

“Ready?” Sol asks. You nod, intrigued at how pretty it all looks.

 

The first few minutes are filled with you looking anywhere and everywhere for anything new: whether that be flowers, people, birds, insects, clouds, or harsh shadows created by the intense sun.

 

There are a lot of passing people; most of them are runners: a bald man with the build of a marine, an old woman decked out in all sorts of running equipment, two girls who look to be on some sort of track team, and a slightly overweight man on a bicycle.

 

You and Sollux even pass a few kids feeding bread to pigeons. You two have to shuffle along the edges of the flock so not to disturb them.

 

After that, it becomes a tad boring and redundant. That is, until you come across the “trolly trackth” as Sollux calls them.

 

“It doethn’t really go around during winter that much, tho we’re fine,” he steps onto the metal piece and tries to keep his balance while walking. You watch him fail three times before he huffs and just walks in the middle.

 

“Up ahead, there’th thith really cool abandoned train yard,” he walks backwards.

 

“Wwhat are you? My tour guide?”

 

He laughs, “Fuck you.”

 

You laugh too, just because of the stupid situation.

 

“So...howw do you suppose wwe wwrite an article about this place?”

 

“I’m not too sure, but I gueth we should thart writing down dethcriptionth tho we don’t forget.”

 

You nod, “Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.”

 

There’s an underlying thought in your mind that this is the first real adventure you’ve gone on since...since you were friends with John, which was... _years_ ago.

 

He was the last real friend you’ve had in close to two years. Too bad you fucked that up...

 

_Wow, what a downer._

 

Again, you find yourself looking around at different things. Your eyes graze over the rusty cranes shooting up into the sky and how the elements have deteriorated them into orange, blotchy statues.

 

“Tall huh?”

 

You look over to see him looking up at the cranes, mouth open due to his head being bent back.

 

“Yeah,” you shrug and return your gaze back to the pavement in front of you.

 

Using your phones to write down information, you two travel down the footpath. You’re not afraid to tell him you’re done walking, and he calls you a wimp, to which you retort with a defensive “Fuck you”. You both laugh.

 

Halfway back to the car, Sollux’s phone rings to the sound of the renown alien whistle, earning a smirk from you.

 

He answers with a fake glare, “Hello?”

 

There’s a faint voice on the other end that sounds urgent.

 

“Really, now?”

 

“Yes!” She screams. Sol pulls the phone away from his ear with a wince.

 

“Okay, I’ll be there in an hour.”

 

There’s heavy screaming on the other end.

 

“Fine! Thirty minuteth! Jethus...goodbye.”

 

He slides his slim phone into his pocket with a sigh. You raise your eyebrows, curious.

 

“Thorry, that wath my bothh. I have to go in real quick. Do you want to come with?”

 

“Yeah...I guess?”

 

“Good, ‘cauthe you have no choithe. I don’t have enough time to drive you home. Tho let’th go.”

 

It only takes ten minutes to get to the car, and ten more to drive to Sol’s work. Which...turns out to be a pizza parlor.

 

He opens the door like a true gentleman, and you make sure to tell him that. He just gives you an eye roll.

 

The place smells heavily like it’s supposed to: pizza. There’s a couple people rushing around behind the metal counter. Sollux gets into an argument with who you peg to be his boss. She’s an old woman with her hair tightly in a bun. You’ve always imagined old ladies like that were always nice and baked cookies for their neighbors, but this one just reminds you of a bloodthirsty shark.

 

You sit patiently at a two-person table and watch everyone around the kitchen barking orders, shoving boxes around, and having mental breakdowns. You definitely don’t want to work here. It seems too stressful.

 

You don’t see much of Sollux. He’s probably doing deliveries or in the back room somewhere. You take out your phone and put all of the descriptions of the Riverwalk into full sentences.

 

It’s easily an hour before Sollux strolls out and sits across from you. He seems extremely exhausted as he sets down a plastic cup filled with clear liquid lazily.

 

He’s wearing a striped shirt and a stupid pizza visor. You smirk at his weird outfit.

 

“Thhut up, It’th required.”

 

You nod, holding back your grin. He rolls his eyes and yawns.

 

“I only have to work for a few more minuteth, then I’ll take you home.”

 

“Okay,” he isn’t wearing his 3-D glasses, which means you can see how mismatched his eyes really are. One’s a deep shade of blue and the other is mahogany brown. You catch yourself staring.

 

“Wwhat’s this?” You eye the cup in front of you.

 

“It’th water. I would’ve gotten you a thoda, but I don’t really know what you like,” he rolls his eyes, “...and my bothh ith a cheapthkate.”

 

You nod and pick up the cup, giving the small size a quick smirk before taking a drink.

 

When Sollux gets yelled at for taking a break, you’re left to your own accord once again. You continue to put what you have into a cohesive article.

 

Soon, however, your phone informs you that you’re low on battery and you decide to save the small percentage of it for if there’s an emergency.

 

Instead, you find yourself examining your surroundings.

 

The narrow pizzaria looks modern but vintage...if that’s even possible. The color pallet consists of red, blue, and black, with hints of stainless steel.

 

There aren’t many people in here, but everyone’s busy behind the counter, so maybe there’s just a lot of deliveries.

 

You let your head rest against the window, stinging eyes resting for a minute. But before you know it, you’re dozing.

 

You get a flash of familiar, menacing eyes and the feeling of a hand on your shoulder. Your eyes shoot open, glancing all around you before settling on Sollux. His hand is on your shoulder and he’s raising an eyebrow at you from across the table.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah,” you said that _way_ too fast. You shift and he retracts his hand.

 

He looks at you worriedly but doesn’t press. “I got thome bread thtickth, in cathe you’re hungry.”

 

“Yeah,” you take one with a shaking hand. You think he notices. _Fuck_.

 

You take a bite, savoring in the rich garlic. “Thorry it’th been like three hourth, I didn’t think I’d be here thith long.”

 

“It’s fine,” you swallow.

 

“You look pretty tired,” he smirks. You don’t know why.

 

Shrugging, you take another delicious bite. When you’ve finished eating, you yawn. Sollux has been eyeing you the entire time.

 

“Wwhat?” Your eyebrows crease.

 

He bites his lip, trying not to smile. Without saying anything, he reaches towards your hair and runs his fingers through it. It sends electricity down your spine that surprises you. Your whole body is frozen in what you think is mild shock.

 

“There,” he pulls his hand back. “It wath all fucked up.”

 

“Uh,” you swallow thickly. “Thanks.”

 

He waves it off, “You done?”

 

After you clear your throat and nod, he stands, throws away the trash, and leads you back to the car. It’s completely dark out, which you probably should’ve realized sooner since you were sitting next to the window, but you’re tired so...it’s understandable.

 

The air is cold with the promise of snow. The inside of the car is warmer but not by much. Beyond starting up the vehicle and turning on the heater, Sol doesn’t move to do anything. He’s just sort of sitting there.

 

“Hey ED?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can I athk you a weird...kinda perthonal quethtion?”

 

“Uh...sure?” You wince.

 

“Why...do you alwayth look like you’re in pain when you thleep?”

 

You stare wide-eyed at him, confused on what to answer with. You comb through your head, searching, but only come up with one thing. _Can’t really say that though, not unless I want Sol to think I’m...weak. Wait. Fuck, I can’t keep thinking like this._

 

“I havve…” _No, that sounds too weird._ “Most nights...fuck,” you look down, suddenly interested in the size of your thumbs. Instead of a sentence, you say one word, because that seems easier.

 

“Nightmares.”

 

He cocks his head. “Even when leaning againtht a window in a pithha parlor?”

 

You huff, smiling. “Yeah...I guess so.”

 

It’s about 7 o’clock when you step inside your house, the smell of cigarette smoke hitting your lungs like pepper. You find this quite odd given the house has always smelt like musky cologne...until now. There’s even a haze to the living room. It’s barely there, but it’s noticeable. You also notice a few beer bottles here and there.

 

You hear laughing from down the hall, loud and obnoxious. There’s also faint music; from what you deduce, it’s coming from your brother’s bedroom.

 

When you pass by, you look in to see about five people standing and sitting around your brother’s room. They’re all laughing boisterously and drinking.

 

“Dannyyyy!” Your brother slurs. He’s sitting against his bed with an arm propped up on his knee. You spot Damara leaning against the desk. The room looks like they all hot boxed it.

 

“Wvhy ya’ home soooo late ch-chief?”

 

“My ride got called into wwork? Wwhat’s goin’ on?”

 

“Haven’t you seen a party before lil Amp?” Damara raises one triangle-shaped eyebrow. Cro holds his hand up in the air dumbly.

 

“Shhh, Eri’s probably gotta go ta’ sleep. Right chief?”

 

“Yeah? It’s only Wwednesday.” You can’t believe he’s having a party right now. At least Cro is a happy/flirty drunk, not an angry one.

 

“Alrighty then, wve’ll keep it dowvn. Wvon’t wve champs?”

 

_What is he even saying?_

 

They all nod, smiling happily. You take this as your queue to leave, so you make your way to your room. You don’t know why, but you lock your door.

 

You fall asleep very quickly. Maybe it’s because of walking more than you usually do. Maybe it’s because you haven’t really gotten any good-quality sleep since...Sunday night, when you slept next to Sollux. Or maybe it’s a combination of both.

  
The point is, you fall deep and fast into sleep, so deep, in fact, that the dreams that usually plague your mind can’t reach you. Which means, _if_ you did, by some chance, have another nightmare...you don’t remember it when you wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to sound like a broken record if I start apologizing for being late on a chapter. THeRe has been some chaos afoOT. So enjoy. I will TRY to get the next chapter out at a decent time but no promises. lol. love you guys.

**Author's Note:**

> comments f u e l me


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